A Whiter Shade
by Mishiko Shinsei
Summary: AU. Seto born a Kaiba. Rated for violence, content and some language. YYxS. WARNING: Character death! Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.
1. Chapter 1

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**Skipped The Light Fandango**

Tuesdays are the worst.

He'll come home late from work, eat dinner with mom, always making me eat by myself in the kitchen, and then go into his study for hours. When he thinks I'm asleep, he'll come into my room and begin. Sometimes he'll be drunk, but usually he'll just be in a rage of unknown origin. Mom used to try and protect me, but after that last broken arm, not anymore.

He never bruises my face or my forearms, never someplace usually visible. And never hard enough to break anything, except that once.

I felt the rib crack when his fist connected with it. I'd just turned nine, and dad had been wailing on me for about two years. He would beat me until I cried out, but this one time I was too angry to give him the satisfaction. I wanted to show him that I was just as powerful as he was and without having to beat up someone to prove it. So he hit me harder than usual. Over and over the blows kept coming. I only grunted with each connection, denying him his prize of tears and screaming.

Until the rib cracked and then broke.

I thought I'd felt pain in my young life until that moment. I remember screaming and crying in pain as I cradled my side until I blacked out from the pain. My father had gotten what he wanted, but more than he could cover up.

Usually, he'd have one of the doctors on his payroll come and look at me to make sure I was all right and then send me off to school the next day to act as though every breath wasn't agony. That time, his doctor didn't give him the news he wanted to hear. I wouldn't be going back to school the next day or for many days after that. The rib had not only broken, but had punctured a lung. Had he waited 20 more minutes…

So I spent several weeks in the hospital and several months in a foster home while my father under went therapy and anger management for his "problem". It wasn't the broken rib that gave away his abuse it was the many bruises, cuts and burn marks found on my upper arms and torso by the emergency room staff.

Those were the happiest months of my life.

How sad to think that being in the hospital and living with strangers could have made me happy, but it did. I knew it wouldn't last, though, so when he and my mother picked me up from protective services one day, I knew it would all start again. Because my mother didn't press charges and, in fact, backed my father's 'I'm much better now' claims, I was sent back to this hellhole.

My father continued 'therapy' with one of his paid doctors for another six months while protective services continued random visits. Satisfied that all was 'well' in our household, the courts, with a little help I'm sure, declared that my father didn't need any more therapy and no more home visits were necessary.

After a year of freedom, it all came back. Actually, it came back worse. My father had a year of rage to vent and I became his prime target. But he'd learned his lesson about hitting me until I cried out. Now he just hit me until he tired of it and usually not with excessive force, just enough to sting or leave a welt for a few hours. And that's when he started cutting me more. That's when Tuesdays became my real enemy.

Before 'the year of the rib', as I remember it to my self, any day would suffice. Afterward, it was always Tuesdays.

Always Tuesdays.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**Turned Cartwheels**

Mom smiled at me today.

It was the first smile she'd given me in years. Maybe because he'd stopped hitting her for a while. Actually, he'd left both of us alone for the past two months. I wondered why, but didn't really want to look a gift horse in the mouth. Maybe Gozaboro Kaiba had finally grown a conscience or gotten some morals from somewhere. I didn't really want to dig too deep and find out that it was only a temporary reprieve. So, like mom, I acted like everything was normal. Acted like he'd never abused us and that we were one big, happy family.

And it worked, especially once two months turned into six and then to a year. He didn't warm up to us, or at least to me, in that time, but he didn't hurt us and that's all I cared about. As relieved as I was, part of me didn't believe all would be fine. Every Tuesday night I'd lay awake most of the night, waiting.

I'd just turned 14 when I stopped having to wait anymore.

We'd had almost 18 months of civility, when he stumbles into my room late one November night and grabs me. He is so drunk that he forgets his rule about never hitting me in my face and punches me twice. With a busted lip and a black eye forming, he drags me out to the car. Barefoot and freezing in just a tank and pajama pants over my boxers, he throws me into the passenger seat of his prized Porsche.

We peal out of the garage and he drives around like a maniac for hours, cursing me and swearing at me and blaming me for "his" death. I don't have any idea what he's talking about and am terrified out of my mind, fearing this will be the time he finally kills me. I cry silently once he stops yelling and drives straight ahead with a frightening determination. I knew this was my end and I didn't want to die.

He stops the car near a heavily wooded area that is covered in snow and I knew. He could kill me and bury the body and I wouldn't be discovered until spring, if ever. An unexpected calm comes over me and I decide that I would meet my end head on. I wouldn't give him the satisfaction of watching me break.

Roughly, he pulls me from the car and throws me into the snow.

"Do you know why you're here, Seto?" He seethes.

Defiant to the last, I stand straight and cross my arms at him, ignoring the trembling from my wet and freezing body.

"No, but I'm sure you're going to tell me," I spit, willing my teeth not to chatter.

"You're here because the curse upon you killed my son, Seto."

I don't respond, knowing he'll expound upon his confusing statement. He paces away, talking mostly to himself.

"Noah would have been the same age as you, Seto, but you killed him. Your twin. You killed him in the womb. The fortuneteller foretold it. She said if I married your mother, one of the twins would die as if by the other's hand." He looks up at me. "She just didn't say it would be in the womb. And she didn't say your taint would kill any other attempts I made to have a son worthy of the Kaiba name. But you did. I thought if I didn't touch either you or your cursed mother, I wouldn't take any of your evil with me when I visited Katrine, but it didn't work. Your taint was too great. You and your mother killed them from afar."

My head swam with all he was saying. I'd had a twin? A fortuneteller said I was evil? He'd been having an affair for gods knew how long and had a child with her?

"And now I've lost my Noah again," he continues. "And Katrine. She died in childbirth, unlike your worthless mother. Noah died last night. He'd been sickly from birth, but I thought he'd pull through since he was getting stronger. But you and your mother's energy killed him. I know that now. And I know that I'm stuck with your evil for the rest of my days because I defied my fortune.

"I will make a deal with you, Seto," he begins, a madman's glint in his eyes, "If you can find your way home from here within the week, I will never hit your mother again. If you make it within three days, I'll never hit you either. Anytime after Friday at close of business and you will become my punching bag whenever I see fit. From this point on, you are my son in all ways and I will begin grooming you to take over Kaiba Corp. for me once I pass on. But don't get any ideas about killing me to get the company. I have a clause written into my will that if I die before your 18th birthday, the company will go to my board and you will be left with nothing.

"Do you understand the rules of this agreement, Seto?"

I nod silently, afraid that my teeth chattering would drown out any words if I spoke.

"Fine," he turns, heading back to the car. "I expect to see you before next Tuesday. If I don't, I'll assume you died or ran away and will work on having another son with your worthless mother. Maybe she won't fail me this time."

He slams the door of the car and speeds off. When I'm sure he can't see me anymore, I collapse into a shivering heap. I don't even know where I am let alone how to get back home. Looking around at the moonless woods, I realize that I can't possibly stay here for the night. I'll freeze to death within the hour. So I start walking in the direction my father drove off. I'm so tired and my body aches with cold, but I know I can't stop or I'll be dead. I won't give that bastard the satisfaction of having me die out here where he can claim I just ran away like the rebellious teen that I am. My recent school behavior would only help fuel that rumor.

As I trudge along, I remember some of the stunts I've pulled over the last few months. I've cursed at teachers, thrown food in the cafeteria, skipped classes to smoke on the roof, punched that Taylor kid hard enough to break his jaw and I don't know why. I don't know why I did any of it really. With Gozaboro not hurting me, why wasn't I happier? Why didn't I feel more comfortable in my own skin? I guess I knew the answer in my heart and lashed out because of it; I'd never be comfortable in my own skin again. Hell, here I was only 14 years old and I couldn't even sleep through the night on Tuesdays anymore, even without him coming to hurt me.

At that moment, I hate my father more than ever. He's hurt me so much that he's even taken away the illusion of safety for me. I stifle the tears that want to fall, knowing that all they'll do is freeze to my face and cause more agony. Instead, I channel my rage and use it to propel me forward, moving a little faster than before. I'd make it back within the week. And if I really force myself, maybe within the three days.

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Sunday morning I finally stumble up the front stairs of the mansion.

Once Wednesday morning came I found shelter in a cave and was able to light a fire with a piece of flint, some twigs, hair pulled from my head and a piece of my tank top. I didn't sleep that first day. After I warmed up. I stepped from the cave and looked around, catching site of a house in the distance. Making that my goal for the day, I spent another few minutes warming myself by the fire and then set out.

A while later, I was knocking on the door of the small place, dismayed to find it abandoned and the door locked. I found a medium-sized rock and broke one of the front windows. Though I cleared most of the glass from the opening with a stick, I still cut my arm a bit when I reached in to unlock the window.

The place had obviously not been used in quite sometime, but that didn't concern me. All I cared about was that I had a roof over my head and someplace to sleep for a few hours. After searching the place, I found a can of expired beans, but I was so hungry, I didn't care. Using a knife found under a cabinet, I stabbed into the top of the can till I had an opening big enough to get something out. I then dumped the contents on a space on the kitchen counter that I'd wiped off with my shirt and ate them with my fingers.

After my "meal", I went out the front door and found some clean snow to eat to wash it down. Having found that one of the rooms still had a bed in it, I tore the curtains from a window and lay down, using them to cover me. I awoke again to daylight streaming in the window, Thursday morning, or Thursday daytime anyway. Walking around to the back of the house, I caught sight of Domino's skyscrapers, but they were a long way off. At least I had a direction to head in now. Ingesting more snow, I headed off. I walked all day and most of Thursday night, until I collapsed by the side of the road, exhausted. I wanted to sleep so badly, but I knew I'd never wake up if I did. I was so cold and so weak from exertion and lack of food and probably the early stages of dehydration since I could no longer pass urine, but I still couldn't stop. I had to save my mom, even if I couldn't do anything about my fate. Despite my intentions, I passed out for a while until the rumble of thunder shocked me awake.

I scrambled up, stumbling along another 4 miles or so in the rain to the outskirts of the city. There I begged a passing car for a ride. He took me to a hospital and they admitted me for exhaustion and exposure, asking me who I was and where I'd come from. I wouldn't tell them anything. I tried to fight and leave, but a needle of something penetrated my skin and I felt my world collapsing around me.

I awoke to another morning, clean sheets, a warm bed, a hospital gown and an IV. Groggily, I pulled out the IV, ignoring the blood running down my arm and climbed out of bed. Finding a towel to wrap my arm in and a set of scrubs in a closet along with some of those stupid little footies, I threw them on and snuck out of the hospital. Now in the city, I knew where to go and made it home while it was still light.

At least I've saved mom. I can endure any of that bastard's tortures as long as she's safe.


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**Feeling Kind Of Seasick**

Something strange happened last month. One of the guys at school actually spoke to me. Not at me. Not about me. To me.

Valon Turner. He's not from here, which is why he probably wasn't intimidated by my dad's name or my reputation. An American. He's a little taller than me with wild brown hair and eyes and is a year ahead of me in school.

He keeps talking to me like we're friends. His Japanese is horrible, so I told him to just speak to me in English.

The other students keep giving us odd looks, probably because of the English and because I never speak to any of them. They never have anything worthwhile to say anyway, always groveling for my attention like dogs. What do they expect from me? I'm not Gozaboro Kaiba. I can't give their parents jobs.

"You're always a million miles away, Seto," Valon interjects into my distracted thoughts.

"Kaiba," I correct him. "It's not polite to use someone's first name in Japanese culture."

"Not even your friends?"

"Yes, but only if you're really good friends."

"Aren't we really good friends?"

"No. We've only known each other a month."

"Well, it seems to me that since I'm your only friend, wouldn't that make us really good friends?"

"What makes you think you're my only friend, Valon?"

"C'mon man! Don't try an' snow me. I've been paying attention. Other than the teachers, everyone sucks up to you like you're some high muckity-muck. Are you an ambassador's kid or somethin'?"

"Worse, I'm Gozaboro Kaiba's kid."

"The weapons mogul?"

"The same."

"Damn, Kaiba! No wonder everybody's afraid of you. Your old man could drop a bomb on 'em or somethin'!" he snickers.

"It's not funny!" I yell, angrier than I mean to be. But no one's ever said it out loud before. I know that everyone fears me. That's why I've never had any friends until now.

I narrow my eyes at Valon. Maybe I still don't.

"What do you want, Valon?" I snap.

"Huh?"

"Don't act like you don't know what I mean! Why are you really following me around? What do you expect of me? What do you think I can do for you? Huh? What?"

I've grabbed his shoulders and shoved him into a locker before I think.

"Shit, Seto! What the hell is your problem?" He yells. I let him go and turn away, sickened by the Gozaboro slipping out of me.

"Don't ever speak to me again, Valon," I snarl, walking away.

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I knew I couldn't trust that bastard.

Barely two months after I got back home, dad was wailing into me in the living room and mom stepped in to help. I guess she thought since he hadn't hit her in almost two years, she'd been granted immunity. And I thought, foolishly, that he'd keep his part of the bargain. Both our hopes flew out the window when first the back of his hand connected with her face and then his fist connected with her stomach.

"Don't you ever come between me and my prey again, you worthless whore!" he screams. I jump on his back, desperate to distract him from hitting her again, especially in the stomach.

Mom had told me last night. She was pregnant. A boy. I have to protect him. Whatever I need to do, I'll save Mokuba. That's what she's naming him, Mokuba Kaiba. I'll do whatever I can to be the best big brother ever. It's that thought that runs through my head as Gozoboro's pummeling finally knocks me unconscious.

This time I'm in the hospital for a month. Dad tells the doctors I was beat up by some thugs in the park on the way home from a late night with friends. He even files a police report, complete with imaginary items and cash, which were to have been stolen from me.

Mom visits me several times a week, telling me how Mokuba is doing and that my father still has no idea about him and hasn't hit her once since that night. I urge her to run away. She has family in Hokkaido. She could go for a visit and have Mokuba there.

"He'd be safe with them, mom," I plead.

"I know, Seto."

"You'd be safe there, too."

She scoffs. "As if your father would ever let me go."

"He doesn't own you, mom. Me maybe, but not you. You can run. You can get away."

"I'm his wife, Seto," she replies, as if that explains everything.

"So divorce him," I state evenly.

She laughs.

"One does not 'divorce' Gozoboro Kaiba, Seto."

"And why not?"

"He's much too powerful to allow me to simply walk away. It would hurt his image. That's why I don't want him to know about Mokuba, because he'd just become another 'jewel in his crown'. Your father rarely gets near enough to see that I've gained weight, so if I can keep Mokuba to myself for just another month I'll go to Hokkaido, as you suggest."

Valon comes by twice before he gets to actually visit me. The first time I cussed at him and told him to get out. The second, my mom is there and I couldn't let her see that ugly side of me. She sees enough of it from my father.

"So, Valon," she begins to my 'friend', "how long have you and Seto been friends?"

"About a month, ma'am," he replies in flawless Japanese. At first I'm suspicious until the conversation goes further. He must have practiced that one phrase over and over to impress my mom. Too bad he didn't practice more.

"I-I'm sorry," he bows eventually. "My Japanese isn't very good and Kaiba and I usually speak in English, so I don't get a lot of practice."

"It's all right," mom replies in perfect English, much better than mine or dad's. "We can use English if you want."

"T-thank you," he stutters in English.

"Mom went to college at Stanford," I explain to his shocked face.

"Oh! Okay. I got it."

"Valon, I'm very impressed that you're visiting Seto in the hospital after knowing him such a short time."

"Well, we kind of have a lot in common. Neither of us really make friends well 'cause we're both smarter than most of the students and half of the teachers," he laughs.

He and my mom talk for another 15 or 20 minutes before she leaves with a kiss to my forehead.

"You're mom's really great, Kaiba."

"Seto," I correct him. He looks at me oddly and I turn away to the window.

"It is quite impressive that you're visiting me, Valon," I confess.

I see his smile out of the corner of my eye. He comes by almost every day after that, usually with my lessons to help me catch up. He even comes to help my mom take me home when I'm finally discharged.

From that point on, Valon and I actually plan activities together. It's the first time I can remember doing something other than going to school and coming home. I welcome the change. Mom seems to be happy about it too and has even met us for lunch a couple of times.

At some point, I almost forget how brutal my father is and about being his personal punching bag, but he reminds me one Tuesday night. I'm sore at school the next day, but I cover it well since I've been doing it for more than half my life.

But in all that time, I never had a friend, especially not some boisterous American who frequently throws his arm around my shoulder in greeting.

"Hey, Seto," he calls as I leave my History class. As usual, he throws that arm across my shoulders. I drop from the pain of his contact. Gozaboro's activity last night consisted of a lit cigar on my back and shoulders until I begged him to stop.

Valon panics at my sudden collapse, pulling me into the bathroom and sitting me down in one of the stalls until I can calm my breathing and stifle the tears threatening to burn my cheeks.

"Seto, man, what's wrong? Do you want me to get the nurse? Or call your mom?"

"No!" I force. "I'll be fine. Just…just don't touch my shoulders for a few days, okay?"

"What happened to your shoulders, Seto," he asks quietly after a few minutes.

"I-I just fell," I lie readily.

"Fell?"

"Yeah. Fell. I'll be fine."

"So, where did you fall?"

"In the bathroom."

"You sure it wasn't into your dad's fist."

I look up and glare at him.

"Just drop it, Valon."

"You don't have to take that shit, man."

"I do. Just leave it alone."

"You can leave, Seto."

"This isn't America, Valon. I can't get away from Gozaboro Kaiba. I'll be his son forever."

"But, Seto…"

"Just drop it, Valon!" I yell.

"Fine, but know that if you ever need me, you have my number."

"Sure. Whatever." I stand up, having composed myself, pick up my books and head to my next class.


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**The Crowd Called Out**

I can only watch in horror as he beats and kicks her while she tries to protect her protruding belly.

Too groggy from being slammed into their bedroom wall, I can't make a move to help her.

It all happened so fast. Mom and I were talking about her plans to go to Hokkaido and laughing about uncle Harry, the gaijin who married aunt Rei when he burst in. His eyes were glazed with rage and alcohol and I moved to protect my mom from the madman I'd faced for years. He'd never come at her like this, it would always be after he'd beat on me a while and had calmed some or in response to her trying to help or shield me. She never got the pure madness and I wondered what had happened for him to bring it now.

"I knew you were a slut, Meiko, but to do it with you own son…" he raged.

"What the fuck are you talking about?" I screamed.

He went off on some tangent about knowing all about our 'secret meetings' and the 'abomination growing in your mother's belly' and how he'd planned to get rid of it and punish us both for our 'morally reprehensible actions'.

I'd stepped into his face.

"You're insane if you think I will allow you to harm her," I snarled.

His backhand sent me reeling before he grabbed me by the front of my shirt and slammed me into the wall by the door. I crumpled to the floor, head ringing as he advanced on my mom who screamed denials at him, assuring him I held no part in Mokuba's paternity.

After he's done with her, he slams out of their bedroom, nearly hitting me with the door, telling my mother to be gone once he got back.

I crawl to her side.

"Mom?" I mumble weakly, but she's unconscious. Tears form in my eyes at my inability to protect her and Mokuba. What's the point of enduring all of this if I can't protect those most important to me? I feel my own consciousness slipping away and am vaguely aware of the gasp of one of the servants and the horror in her eyes before I fall by my mother's side.

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I sit by her side holding her hand. It's been a week, but she won't wake up. She probably doesn't want to. Not now.

They couldn't save him. Mokuba's gone. And she'll never have any more children.

That's why she doesn't want to wake up.

My father threw all of mom's things out three days ago and started divorce proceedings. He didn't want to pay for her hospital bills, but he didn't have a choice since she was already on his insurance. I had one of the servants help me pick everything up and got Valon to drive me to a nearby hotel with them. He didn't ask and I didn't tell. I haven't been home since.

I hang my head over her hand.

Gozaboro is wrong. I'm the worthless one. My presence is what cost her everything. If I'd never been conceived, Noah would have been born. Mom would have been pampered and treated like a queen.

If I had just run away or died instead of coming back here, Mokuba would still be alive inside her womb.

If I hadn't gone to their room…

It's all my fault. I'll fix it somehow. Some way. I promise, Mom. Just please wake up.

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They said it's a form of brain damage, short term memory loss, and there's nothing they can do about it. She'll never be right again. The facility where she's staying takes really good care of her.

Every time I go see her, she asks what happened to the baby. And every time I have to say…

I don't want to say it anymore. I don't want to see her like that anymore.

After she's been awake for about two weeks, I call aunt Reiko and uncle Harry and tell them the name of the facility and how she's doing.

Aunt Reiko is too distraught to talk to me, so I get uncle Harry instead.

"What happened?" He demands, his Japanese sloppy from worry.

"There was a bad car accident," I lie, my voice not giving anything away. Not that it helps with uncle Harry.

"Gozaboro did it, didn't he," he spits in English, abandoning all pretence of civility.

"No, it was a car accident. I swear," I assert.

He pauses.

"You're getting to be just like him, Seto," he affirms, pure rage in his voice.

"I'm not!" I scream into the phone, startling those in the visiting area around me. "I'm nothing like that bastard!"

Another pause.

"Then why are you lying for him? Who are you trying to protect? Certainly not your mother."

"I…I…"

"Are you doing this to protect the baby?"

I should have known mom would have told aunt Reiko by now. After all, she was almost six months along.

"Th-there is no baby," I whisper sadly. "A-and there won't be anymore babies."

"Are you telling me he killed his own child!"

I hear aunt Reiko wail 'Gods no! Not Mokuba!' in the background.

"Why? Why would he do that?" Uncle Harry's shocked voice continues.

"B-because he thought…" No, I can't them that. "She was protecting me," I interject instead. Better that they hate me for that than to think I would ever…

"P-protecting you? From Gozaboro? You let her take the blows meant for you!"

No. I didn't let her. I couldn't stop him.

Uncle Harry continues to rant about how worthless a son I am to have allowed my father to do that to her while aunt Rei sobs loudly in the background. Then he tells me that they'll be here to get her from 'you fucking Kaibas' and hangs up.

Yes. This is better. Let them hate me for not doing what I should have to protect her and Mokuba. Mom will be better off with them. I deserve to be with Gozaboro. I've earned my hell.


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**Humming Harder**

I go to see mom near the end of summer vacation.

She's much happier now, though her short-term memory is still pretty bad, it's much better than it was before. Valon came with me. Actually, he drove the rental car since he has a license. Mom is happy to see us. Valon somehow convinces uncle Harry and aunt Rei to give us some time alone together. He really has become a great friend.

I have no illusions that the only reason I'm allowed in their house is because she'd begged to see me.

We spend half the afternoon just talking to each other. She wants me to tell her about life with my father, but I won't burden her with such things. When Valon joins us because my aunt and uncle are nervous about leaving us alone, she tries to pry the information out of him, but he's loyal to me and keeps my secrets. After a tense dinner, we go back to the hotel. We'll fly back to Domino tomorrow.

"Why do they hate you so much?" he asks after we've showered for bed.

"They blame me."

"Why?"

"Because I want them to."

"That's crazy. Why would you want that? Don't you want to keep ties to the part of your family that isn't psychotic?"

"Would you rather I tell them that my father killed his own child because he thought it was mine?"

"What!"

I hadn't meant to say that. I wanted to keep that secret forever. But talking to Valon always ends with me revealing something deeply hidden.

"You're not serious, Seto. He couldn't have thought that."

I turn to him angrily.

"Why do you always ask that, Valon," I hiss. "Why do you always ask if I'm serious? Have I given you any reason to believe that anything I've told you is a fabrication or a joke? Do you think I'm making this shit up!"

"Hey, Seto, calm down! I'm not your enemy, dude! It's just all so hard to digest, that's all."

I jump from my bed.

"So you do think I'm a liar!" I scream, now fully enraged.

"Seto, wait a minute. That's not…"

But I am my father's son. As such, my rage is overpowering. I've launched myself at him in the blink of an eye. The fight is brief.

Valon mops the floor with me.

I find myself coming out of my rage face down on the carpet, one arm twisted behind me and his knee in my back. As my breathing evens out, he loosens his grip.

"Are you okay now," he inquires seriously.

"No. I'll never be 'okay', Valon."

"I mean are you gonna try an' kill me again?"

"Not at this moment."

"That's good enough."

He stands and helps me up. I turn away, climbing into my bed with my back to him. I've never attacked him before. We've argued, verbally sparred, but I've never actually gotten angry like that.

"I can help you. Seto," he pipes up.

"What do you mean," I mumble.

"I can help you defend yourself against him. Maybe if you could fight back, you wouldn't be so angry all the time."

I roll over to face him.

"I'm not angry all the time."

"You are. You're just so used to dealing with it, you can't see it, but it's obvious to everyone else."

"Is that what uncle Harry told you?"

"That's part of what I told uncle Harry to get them to leave you alone with your mom for a while."

"That I was a ticking time bomb? They thought that was a good thing?"

"I told them that if they denied you time with the only person who mattered in your life, it could send you even further over the edge than you already were."

"So now they're afraid of me too."

"They were terrified. Now, they're just worried."

"You told them, didn't you? About Gozaboro?"

"I told them that your father is a brutal bastard and you did all you could to protect your mom and that you stay now only to be sure she gets financial support from him."

"I didn't want them to know that, Valon. If I have to sacrifice my body to keep her safe, that's my duty because I couldn't protect her and Mokuba. It's not their business."

"Hello? Earth to Seto? They're your family!"

"They're mom's family. I belong to Gozaboro. Body and soul. I made my pact with that devil and I intend to honor it."

"I don't understand you, Kaiba!"

"I'm done with this conversation, Valon," I conclude as I roll away again.

I hear him sigh in exasperation behind me.

"Fine, Seto. We won't talk about family anymore. What about self-defense?"

"What about it?"

"I'm a second degree in Akido and Tae Kwon Do. And I know a lot of basic self-defense techniques from my dad and his buddies. I'm sure I could show you a few things."

It's then that I realize he never talks about his own family. In fact, I've never even been to his house, though he's been to mine a few times. I roll back over to face him.

"Your dad must be very important to you," I venture.

He hangs his head sadly.

"He was. He died two years ago, right before I got here to Japan."

He doesn't say how and I don't ask.

"You never mention him. Why?"

He sighs deeply.

"I guess I didn't want to think about it. And my mom needed my support once they shipped her here. She works for the State Department and is stationed in Tokyo for a while."

"Tokyo? Then why are you here?"

"She didn't want me to fall in with the wrong crowd. I'd hooked up with a few thugs in Tokyo and she got worried. So she set me up here with a host family. They're really nice people. The Taylors."

Taylors. Oh shit.

"Tristan's parents?"

"Yeah," he replies sheepishly. "That's kinda why I've never asked you by my place."

"No. That would probably be a bad idea. He had to have his jaw wired shut for a while after I broke it."

"Why'd you do that anyway? Was he talkin' smack or somethin'?"

"What?"

"Picking at you. Teasing you."

"No, nothing like that. I was just…angry. And he became my target. Seto to my Gozaboro."

"I'm telling you that if you fight back sometimes, you won't have rages like that. Or at least not as many."

"I don't have many now. Other than today, that was the last one."

"Seto, trust me in this. I'm your senpai. I know what I'm talking about."

I laugh at him.

"Whatever, gaijin."

He laughs and we go to bed.

The next week, I find myself following him to his dojo and meeting his master. After talking with me for a while, he suggests I learn the Bo. Valon and I begin training on it together with his master on Mondays and Wednesdays after school starts. Thursdays and Saturdays, Valon teaches me basic self defense and a little Akido in one of the spare dojo classrooms. I practice all of them in the shelter of my room as often as I can.

Amazingly, Gozaboro has seen fit to leave me alone for nearly two months. I think it's because he has a new mistress. Well, I guess it would be his girlfriend since he divorced mom. Not that the reprieve does anything for me. I still don't sleep on Tuesdays as he'd gone back to that being his favorite night to hurt me since before what happened with mom and Mokuba.

As October begins, I know he'll come to me soon as it's been three months and I'm sure his rage has hit overload by now. I don't have to wait long. That second Monday, I'm on my way out of my room to go to school, when his fist slams into my chest. After stumbling back a few feet, I adopt a fighting stance and wait for him. His lip curls at my silent challenge.

He still eventually beats me down, but not without receiving some bruises and a busted lip of his own. As I lay on my bed in my torn and bloody uniform panting from exertion and trying to ignore the pain in my head from where his open palm slammed into the side of my face, I silently thank Valon for making me learn self-defense. He was right, fighting back felt great! I'm almost as tall as Gozaboro now, so maybe one day I'll be able to beat him. I wrap the hope I thought had died around that wish as I pass out.


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**The Ceiling Flew Away**

I really miss him.

Now that Valon's gone, I'm back to being friendless. Before, it wasn't a problem, because I had no idea what I'd been missing. Now, the loneliness is almost distracting.

Sure we e-mail and IM each other several times daily and call every now and then, but it's not the same as sparing with him on Saturdays or bowling some Mondays or just hanging out and talking to each other for hours.

I'd never known 'fun' before Valon.

But his mom was sent to Shanghai for her next assignment in the middle of the school year, so he'll be graduating from there. I guess it could have been worse. She could have been sent back to America.

Gozaboro has gone back to his Tuesday night ritual, but now it's much harder for him to best me. Last week, I surprised him with my 'Bo staff', the handle from one of the cleaning lady's mops, getting in a few good licks before he broke it in half and broke my arm with one of the pieces, not that I let him know that at the time. In fact, he didn't leave until I collapsed from a series of punches to my stomach. I had my arm set later that night by one of his doctors, assuring the man that if Gozaboro heard about the injury, his family would feel my wrath. I had no intention of carrying out such a threat, but he didn't know that.

I stretch a moment before resuming my Bo kata. As I've improved, I've needed more space to train than my room. Because I need privacy, I had to find some other way. So I come here every night, rain or shine, to the park at the edge of town and practice my arts for about two hours, and then head home to shower and go to bed.

To avoid having to scare or bribe another employee, I ride my motorcycle back and forth. I was surprised Gozaboro allowed me to have it, but if he'd balked at the idea, I'd have just paid for it with my own money. I haven't touched more than a few thousand Yen of the allowance Gozaboro's given me over the years, not to mention the salary I earn at Kaiba Corp., so I have plenty, but I'd rather spend that bastard's money.

I talked to mom last week. I'll be seeing her for my 17th birthday since it falls on a Saturday this year. I'll fly up after school on Friday and then come home Sunday afternoon. Gozaboro's not happy that I'll be missing a day of work, but I told him I'd work late Monday and Tuesday to make up for it.

Working at Kaiba Corp. isn't so bad as long as I don't think about how many people we kill everyday. When Gozaboro finally kicks the bucket, I'm changing Kaiba Corp. into a gaming company, or a technology giant. Hell, I'd even settle for a motorcycle factory! Anything but a weapons manufacturer! I hate that we kill people! I think my father gets off on it.

That and beating me up. I smirk to myself. I should say 'trying to beat me up'. I'm already about an inch taller than him. Soon, I'm sure he'll be the one at my mercy.

Having finished my katas to my satisfaction, I hop on my bike and head home.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I can't believe how great mom looked!

She's so happy. She has her own place now and a job she loves working in a small flower shop a few days a week. At her insistence, I cancelled my hotel reservations and stayed with her. We stayed up all night Friday talking, as I hadn't actually seen her for almost a year. Saturday, we went to breakfast at a café near her apartment then back to her place to get some sleep. She had to work the 1pm to 6pm shift at the flower shop, so I went to see uncle Harry and aunt Rei.

They were still a bit standoffish, but not as bad as the last time or the time when Valon came with me. After that visit, mom kept in touch with Valon too, still trying to pry secrets from him about my life with my father. Like always, he deflects every attempt. Maybe I'll take him up on his offer of Christmas in Shanghai. It would be great to see him again. And I could get to meet his mom.

After mom gets off from work, we head out to dinner for my birthday. She wanted to pay, but I wouldn't let her. She's paid more than enough for me. I finger the square locket around my neck, her gift to me.

"Open it, Seto," she'd gushed excitedly after handing me the small box.

Tearing off the wrapping I found the prize I'll treasure forever. Inside the box was a gold locket on a medium gold chain. The square-shaped trinket was carved with my initials, SK. Inside were two pictures with space for a third. The picture on the right is a recent shot of mom, smiling and happy. The picture on the left is a miniaturized shot from the last sonogram of Mokuba.

For the first time in years, I cried. And I couldn't stop. I must have sobbed on mom's shoulder for 20 minutes before excusing myself to straighten up in the bathroom. After composing myself, we had a scrumptious desert and went back to the apartment. I spent half the night curled up on the couch with my head in her lap like I used to when I was a little kid. It was wonderful.

At least until I stood up and my body protested having its 6'1" length scrunched up on a 5' couch. Mom laughed at my groaning in pain, calling me an 'old man' as I headed off to take a hot shower before bed.

She was really a different person now. Hokkaido has really been good to her. I only wish she could have gone there sooner, with Mokuba. They would have been very happy.

I smile to myself, imagining mom and Mokuba running around her apartment and uncle Harry's and aunt Rei's yard. I laugh out loud thinking about how much fun it would have been to swing him around and carry him on my shoulders and just play with my beloved little brother. He'd be almost three now.

Gods I hate that bastard, Gozaboro!

Turning to look out the window of the plane, I purposely lose myself in the beauty of the clouds.


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**The Waiter**

I think I've finally found my true style, trench coats.

Not just regular trench coats, but custom designed to flair at the bottom with the slightest breeze or movement. Yes, definitely my style. I have eight made, two each in blue, white, purple and black. With their inception and senior year, I also change my wardrobe. Gone are the blue and white Domino High School uniforms. The principle can't force me to wear them because he's afraid of my father. And me. Now I clothe myself in black, dark blue or brown dress pants and white, purple, black and blue button down or pullover shirts.

Senior year is positive for me in other ways as well. Gozaboro decides to practically move in with his girlfriend, so he's home much less, which means fewer confrontations and fewer bruises and pain. With him gone, I pretty much run the mansion and make sure to change a lot of things in its operation. For one thing, I stop the house staff from doing that groveling shit that Gozaboro had them doing. They can bow, if they want to, and I expect some modicum of respect, but otherwise I don't want them acting like I'd kill their families if they break a dish or stain a carpet.

Now, if they mess up one of my trench coats…

I laugh to out loud at my own joke, startling the juniors around me. I'd been picked to give this particular group the school tour, but we were still waiting for two more kids, transfers from a high school in Hokkaido. I think one of their parents got promoted to their company's headquarters here in Domino, probably that publishing house/production company across town. They're the only company with headquarters based here other than Kaiba Corp. Gozaboro chased everyone else headquartered here out of town, but he didn't think the publishing house posed any threat to him, so he left them alone.

I know they don't work for us as it's my part of my job to know all new personnel and I haven't seen any Yoshida's on the list for the last few months.

I check my watch again, now getting annoyed. Where the hell are those two? They're going to make us all late for classes! I look up to see three forms hurrying our way, the assistant principal and the two tardies.

"I'm so sorry, Mr. Kaiba!" the ditz gushes and I instantly know the problem.

"You forgot they were out there, didn't you," I assess snidely. Gods, why they kept this woman on the payroll…

"I'm so sorry! I just got a little distracted and…"

"Whatever," I dismiss, holding up my hand to silence her. Through my fingers I catch an eye roll and a snort from the shorter of the two juniors.

"Something to say Yoshida?" I taunt.

"Just thinking the same thing you are, 'what a ditz'…" he retorts with a smirk.

I've laughed out loud before I catch myself, amused by his boldness.

"It's not proper to call the assistant principal a ditz, Yoshida," I counter, scowl back in place. "That will cost you detention with your senpai, me. And trust me, it won't pleasant."

I spin on my heels and begin the tour.

When Yoshida fails to appear for his detention that afternoon, I make sure that he understands his mistake first thing the next morning with thirty laps around the track, toilet-scrubbing duty after lunch and the obligatory thousand lines of 'I will not…' during his detention time in the afternoon. He takes it all in stride, without complaint, which intrigues me. I'd never encounter such strength of will outside of myself, not even from Valon. From that day on, I find myself unconsciously monitoring him, noting how he handles various situations and challenges.

Like those rotten Tanaka twins. They have a tendency to harass all new students until a senior or teacher steps in or until the student breaks. It's an unseasonably warm November day when they make their move on the shorter of the two brothers, a spitfire with odd crimson eyes and spiked, multi-colored hair, who stands about at my shoulder. They'd stepped to the taller one, a slim blonde with brown eyes, close to my height, last month and he'd beat them both down with an impulsive fury so fast, I had to laugh. Obviously they hadn't done their homework or they may have decided not to go after the shorter one.

Then again, had they done their homework, like I did, it wouldn't have helped any. Joey and Atem Yoshida, 17, adopted sons of Kei and Hana Yoshida, born in Honolulu, Hawaii (Joey) and Cairo, Egypt (Atem). One adopted at age 2 (Joey), the other at age 3 (Atem). Both considered "bright" students, Joey with an aptitude for statistics and analysis, Atem gifted with genius level skill in math and technology. None of that tells what kind of people they were, what kind of fighters.

That's why I'm studying them. Well, just Atem. Joey seems much less complicated.

So the Tanaka's approach Atem as he sits outside eating his lunch. He bests the first one easily, but finds himself at a disadvantage height-wise with the second one. Like the few other students around, I just watch for a few minutes as he does his best not to get hurt too badly. I figure his brother will be along in a minute to give them the beat down of their lives so I won't need to interfere.

"You'd better leave Yoshida alone," one of the freshmen screams at them, "His brother will be out here in a minute!"

"Ha!" the older Tanaka barks. "No he won't! He's holed up in the infirmary with a broken nose from gym! I know because I gave it to him during soccer!"

At that revelation, the freshman's face falls, as does Yami's. Now I know he was just stalling for time and is really no match for these guys. Time to end this.

I step from my shadowed vantage point and advance menacingly toward them, today's black custom trench billowing dangerously behind me.

"Oh shit!" the elder and shorter Tanaka exclaims, ceasing in his blows to Atem's mid-section. "It's Kaiba!"

The younger, taller Tanaka drops Atem from where he'd been holding him by his wrists and they both turn to run. As if they could escape me.

I grab the elder Tanaka first, delighting in the crunch of bone cracking as my fist connects in rage with his jaw. Then I whirl on the stunned younger sibling, bringing him down with a knee to the groin and then taking his right hand and bending it back at the wrist. Not satisfied with the crunch of bones breaking at his wrist, I snap two of his fingers and his thumb for good measure and then turn to Atem, leaving them howling and writhing on the ground in pain.

As I kneel to check him over, his ashen pallor disturbs me. As does the minute tremors in his body.

"Yoshida?" I call lightly. His eyes roll back and he passes out. Shit! They must have hurt him worse than I thought. I note that the tremors are more pronounced and realize what they are; he's going into shock. I cover him with my coat, pull out my cell and call for the Kaiba Corp. ambulatory helicopter. After being assured of their coming and that they have all of the information at hand, I look around at the gathering crowd to find someone to go find Joey. I spot the freshman who yelled out about him earlier.

"You!" I command. "Go find Yoshida's brother and tell him what's happened. Tell him his brother will be in the Kaiba wing of Domino Memorial Hospital! Go now!"

"Y-yes, sir!" he stutters before running off. Spotting two more freshmen, I give them the same instructions. One of them should be able to find him.

As the helicopter lands on the soccer field nearby, I carefully pick up Atem and head that way.

"What about those two?" a random student asks me as I walk by.

Without pausing or turning around, I reply, "Fuck 'em!"

Five hours later, Atem is awake, but groggy from the pain meds after the emergency surgery to remove his ruptured spleen. His parents and Joey are gathered around in relief. I watch them from the door for a minute more before heading off to work for the evening.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Thank you, Mr. Kaiba," I hear.

Looking up from my lunchtime read of the Financial Times, I see the deeply bowed blonde mop of Joey Yoshida.

"I was glad to help," I reply, smoothly, "And you don't have to bow. Or call me 'Mr. Kaiba'. Just 'Kaiba' is fine."

He straightens up, brown eyes watery.

"My family can't thank you enough, Kaiba. The surgeon said you saved Atem's life. Another few minutes and he would have bled to death. My parents want to know what they can do to repay you, other than reimbursing you for the medical bills, of course."

"That won't be necessary," I wrinkle my brow. "I don't want their money."

"It's true that we're not as rich as you, Kaiba," he snips, "but we don't need your charity. My parents and I will pay you back every cent. I promise. They just wanted to do something in addition to that."

"Charity?" I growl at him. "I'm not offering charity. Haven't you heard of kindness? Generosity? Are these words foreign to you?"

"No!" He snaps, that impulsive rage back online, "But they are to Kaiba Corp.!" He yells. "And everyone in Japan knows that any so-called 'kindness' from Kaiba Corp. is expected to be reciprocated!"

I stand then, furious that yet again I'm invisible to people and they only see that bastard Gozaboro.

"I'm not Kaiba Corp.!" I scream at the top of my lungs, silencing all activity in the cafeteria. "I'm not that bastard Gozaboro either! I'm just Seto! Why can't you people understand that!"

I storm away, leaving the school in a rage. Halfway down the block from the school, I call the limo to pick me up.

"Where to, Mr. Kaiba?"

"Domino Memorial."


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**The Miller**

I watch Atem's sleeping form through the window on the door.

I don't even know what I'm doing here. And I can't believe I lost it like that at school. I'm tired of being 'Kaiba'! Sometimes I just want to be Seto. Hn. As if I had any idea who that was.

Absently, I grasp mom's locket. I haven't talked to her in a while. I'll call from work tonight.

Sighing to myself, I turn to leave and nearly run right into Atem's parents.

"Excuse me," I apologize, lowering my head and moving to walk around them.

"Mr. Kaiba," his dad begins, a slight annoyance in his voice. "Joseph tells me you don't want our money."

Shit. Here we go again.

"I assure you that your charity is unnecessary. We are more than capable of paying our son's medical expenses."

I sigh again. What's the use? No one will ever believe that I'm not Kaiba Corp., that I'm not a clone of Gozaboro. Hell, sometimes I don't even believe it.

"Fine. If that's what you want," I mumble, walking away.

"Mr. Kaiba!" Atem's mother calls. I stop, but don't turn around. "Is there anything we can do to thank you?"

"No. Your words are enough," I reply sadly, striding away quickly. I don't go back to the hospital again.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Thank you."

I look up this time to see Atem smiling at me.

"Whatever," I dismiss, looking back down at my paper. I see no reason to go a third round with these people. Let them think whatever they want.

"Well, that's not the response I expected," he snorts.

I look back up.

"What do you want?" I snap. Why doesn't he just go away? He looks hurt by my reaction. Whatever. I look back down at my paper. "If you don't want anything, then please go away. I'm busy."

"How can you be so cold?"

I look up, angry at his accusation. Cold? Cold is taking my kindness and throwing it back in my face.

"I'm a Kaiba," snarl. "Don't you know that's all we are? Cold-blooded bastards? Didn't your family tell you about us?"

He frowns at me a moment, and then his lips curl in a smirk.

"You're so full of shit," he states, crossing his arms defiantly. It only makes me angrier. I stand slowly.

"What did you say?"

"You heard me," he stands, eyes narrowed, jaw set. I step forward, rage bubbling.

"So are you going to beat me up now?" he sneers. "Finish what the Tanaka's started?"

Why won't he shut up! Does he have any idea how much danger he's in? I could kill him with one strike!

I grab his shoulders.

"Do you have any idea what I could do to you?" I hiss.

"But you won't." He locks eyes with mine. "Because you're not Gozaboro. You're Seto. And Seto is not a cold-blooded bastard."

At his words, the rage drains from me in a rush. Finally someone saw me. Me! Seto Kaiba. Not Gozaboro. Letting go of him, I stumble away to a bathroom to calm down. I can't break down here. I sit in one of the stalls and try to calm my erratic breathing. A few moments later I hear someone come in.

"Seto?" Atem calls. That's quite bold of him, using my given name without permission.

"Go away!" I growl.

"I will. After I know you're okay."

"And why wouldn't I be?"

"You're a stubborn jackass, you know that?"

"And you're an arrogant bastard!"

He laughs.

"Well, isn't that the pot calling the kettle black?"

I stand and snatch open the stall door.

"You enjoy pushing my buttons, don't you?"

"Well, yeah. 'Cause you're so easy."

I look away.

"You don't want to play this game with me, Atem. I'll hurt you."

"You won't. Because I can see you. And you want someone to see you."

"Stop. Just leave me alone, Atem."

"As soon as you accept my thanks."

I turn to him, bewildered.

"What?"

"I'm still waiting for the proper response to my 'thank you.'"

I smile lightly, shaking my head at him. He's just as crazy as Valon.

"Fine. You're welcome."

"See that wasn't so hard, was it?" he tilts his head at me.

"You're family didn't like it."

"Meh. They're a bunch of stubborn, prideful idiots sometimes, but they are very grateful to you for saving me. I have an idea, why don't you come for dinner tomorrow night? That will make my mom happy if she can at least feed you."

"You're not going to leave me alone unless I agree, are you?"

"No. So you might as well agree and save yourself the hassle and me the work."

"Fine. Tomorrow night then."

"Great! Hey how about a ride in your limo?"

"Think your brother will want to come too?"

"Maybe."

The end of lunch bell rings, startling us both.

"Back to class, junior," I scowl playfully.

"Yeah, whatever," he snorts, heading out the door.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Dinner is delicious and Atem's family is much warmer to me than they were before.

After dinner, Atem gives me the 50 cent tour of his house, winding up in his room where we find we have a lot in common. Both of us enjoy Duel Monsters but can never find any one to play us seriously. I promise to find my deck and bring it to school tomorrow. We talk about the incompetence of some of our teachers and then have a great laugh about that ditz the vice principal.

"Ow!" Atemu clutches his side as he laughs on the floor. Concerned, I stop laughing and kneel beside him.

"Are you okay?"

"Y-yeah," he grimaces. "I guess laughing too much is still out of the question."

"Are you sure you're okay? Should I get your mom?"

"No! She'd just worry and fuss and there's nothing she can do. It takes time to heal inside, that's all."

"Okay. If you're sure."

"I'm sure! Man! Is this the real you? 'Seto Kaiba, worry wart'?"

"Just wait until you heal up."

"Promises, promises. Hey, you want to see the scar?"

No. I've seen enough scars.

"Sure. Why not?"

He climbs gingerly up on the bed and lifts his shirt. I kneel in front of him for a good look. I can see that across his washboard abs is a pretty impressive scar. Though my eyes seem to roam up his torso and back down of their own volition and my breathing is becoming erratic.

"Touch it," he says quietly and I reach out without hesitation to trace the scar's contours before letting my hand roam where it will.

What am I doing?

"Seto," Atem whispers.

Suddenly, my lips are on his as my hands grasp his waist. I feel his fingers in my hair massaging my scalp and a moan escapes me. At some point, I open my mouth and his tongue is dominating mine. I lose myself in our desperate kisses.

What the hell am I doing? I'm not gay!

I pull away from him a moment, breathing hard, gazing into intense crimson.

Oh hell, maybe I am. Or maybe I just can't get enough of being touched with out pain involved. Deciding I don't care, I go back to our crazed kissing, pulling Atem off the bed and into my lap.

I don't know how long we sit there groping and kissing and rubbing against each other, until a knock at his bedroom door scares us back into reality.

"Atem?"

"Yes, mom?" he replies in a surprisingly even tone considering the kisses I'm trailing along his neck and collarbone.

"It's late, Atem. I think it's time for your friend to go home."

"Yes, mom!"

"Okay, goodnight!"

"Night, mom!"

He turns to me with a giggle and a light kiss.

"Shit, that was close!"

"Mmm," I mumble, capturing his lips again. He can't ask me to just go home and sleep. Sleep is the last thing on my mind.

"Seto," he whispers, responding to me eagerly.

Reluctantly, I pull away after a few more minutes. I don't want to get him in trouble, because then he won't be able to stay over this weekend.

"Listen, why don't you stay over this weekend?" I kiss into his hair. "I have to work on Saturday, but I could come and get you after that. We could go to dinner and then back to my place."

"Won't your dad mind?"

"If he's not at his girlfriend's he won't care. I've had people spend the night before."

"People? You don't strike me as a people person, Seto."

"Okay one person. My friend Valon.

"Is he your boyfriend?"

"No. I've never…" I look away a moment. "He's just a friend. He lives in Shanghai now."

He pulls back and studies me.

"You've never been with anyone have you," he frowns. "Not even like this."

I get angry.

"I don't need your pity, Atem! If that's all this is for you then just forget the weekend!"

"No! That's not what I mean! Besides, I'm the one who should feel slighted here."

"Why?" I ask angrily, standing quickly.

"Because I'm probably just a quick grope for you! You could decide by the weekend that you don't even like guys! Because you've never had to choose!"

I throw on my coat from the back of his desk chair and whirl on him with a cutting response.

"Fine. Then I'll choose now. I don't! Or even if I did, I don't like you!"

I'm halfway home when my anger abates.

Shit! I didn't mean any of that. Or maybe I did. I don't know. He's right. I've never had to choose. Because I never cared. All that was important to me was surviving another 'Gozaboro Tuesday' and taking care of my mom. Sex had no place in my world. Shit! I can't think straight. I'll call Valon. Maybe he can help me with this.


	9. Chapter 9

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**Just Ghostly**

"Hello?"

"Hey Valon."

"Seto! How's it hangin', man?"

"What?"

"How are you?"

I pause. Maybe this isn't such a good idea. I should deal with this on my own.

"I-I met someone," I stutter.

"Really? Sooo, what's she like?"

"A he."

"Oh! Didn't know you swung that way, dude! Don't tell me you were looking at my ass all that time."

"No! Not that you…I don't know how we…It just happened…We were talking about his scar and then…And I'm just really confused. I don't know if I even like guys or if I was just reacting to being touched or…Valon, I don't know what to do!"

"Well, let's start out with complete sentences. First, you met a guy."

"Yes."

"You like this guy?"

"Yes. Sort of. I don't know."

"Okay, a different question: What happened between you?"

"Just kissing and touching."

"Did you enjoy it?"

"Yes."

"Do you want to do it again?"

"Yes."

"Then what's the problem?"

"I'm not gay. Or I don't think I'm gay. I don't know. And I don't want to hurt his feelings because I like him as a person. But I think I already hurt him because I accused him of being with me out of pity."

"Wow. Well, have you talked to him about it?"

"Not since I said it a week ago."

"You don't want it to sit and fester too long."

"I know. But I don't know what to say."

"Are you sorry for what you said?"

"I-I don't know. Because I don't know if it's true or not."

"Dude, you're makin' my head hurt."

"Thanks a lot, Valon."

"Look. The only way to solve this is to clear the air and the only way to clear the air is to talk to him."

"Okay."

"So what else is goin' on? How's your mom?"

We talk for another hour or so before I need to get to bed for school.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Despite Valon's sound advice, I avoid Atem until after Christmas vacation.

This year, I fly mom to Shanghai and we spend the holidays with Valon and his mom. I had such a great time for the few days I went last year that we spend most of the two weeks off there, flying home New Years Eve. Actually, mom goes home and I go with her.

I can't remember ever being this happy as my plane home lands in Domino the day after New Years.

That should have been my cue, happiness. That should have clued me in that something terrible was coming.

He catches me coming in the house. I never even get a chance to defend myself. After he's hit and kicked me to his heart's content, he leaves me sobbing in the front hall. I wasn't ready. I'd let the walls drop while I was with mom and Valon and Valon's mom. He'd caught me completely off guard. That will never happen again.

I don't make it to school that week, needing to stay home and heal. At least the bastard had the decency to go back to his slut's house for the time being.

Saturday morning I head to Kaiba Corp. wearing shades to cover the waning black eye. I come home to find a cab in my drive way and wonder who it could be when I see the multi-colored ponytail of the person getting out of the cab. Hn. No spikes today.

I really don't want to see Atem like this. I instruct the driver to continue out of the gates and take me somewhere for dinner, trying to ignore the hurt and disappointed look on Atem's face as we go by.

Two hours later, when we pull up to the front door, I find a shivering Atem sitting on the front steps. I guess I can't run from him forever.

"Come on," I order, opening the door and stepping inside. As expected, he's reluctant to take off his warm coat until I direct him into the den with the fireplace. After warming a little, he inquires about a bathroom and then comes back to the den.

"So why are you wearing sunglasses, Seto?" he asks after staring at me from the couch for about five minutes.

I avoid the question completely by asking another.

"How did you find me?"

"You're joking, right? Who doesn't know where the Kaiba mansion is?"

"Why are you here?"

He pauses.

"I would think that was obvious."

I don't reply.

He stands and walks to where I sit in the recliner.

"You've been avoiding me."

I turn away. I really don't want to do this now.

"Where were you all week, Seto?"

Nursing my wounds.

"I was busy."

"Why are you still wearing your sunglasses, Seto?"

I get up and walk away.

"Seto?"

"I'll be back."

I go to the bathroom and splash water on my face. I have to get control of this situation. I dry my face and put my sunglasses back on.

As I sit back in the recliner, I realize who's in control here and it isn't me. Even with the shades on, his intense crimson burn as he stands silently in front of me. I should have anticipated his next move as he slowly climbs into my lap, straddling my legs, and removes my sunglasses. I look away, expecting a pity-filled exclamation of some kind, but none comes.

"The next time you better break his balls," he snarls.

I lock eyes with his and suddenly we're groping and kissing with wild abandon. After about 10 minutes of that, Atem pulls back and pants, "Bedroom?"

For some reason, being with him like that terrifies me. I drop my arms and look away.

"Seto?"

"This isn't…I don't know what the hell I'm doing, Atem."

"What are you afraid of?"

I look him in the eyes.

"That he'll come home."

Atem nods in understanding.

Climbing from my lap, he extends his hand.

"Come on."

"Where are we going?"

"Your room."

"No. He could come home."

He narrows his eyes menacingly.

"I won't let him touch you, Seto."

It's a nice sentiment, but he's no match for Gozaboro. Still, just knowing he feels that strongly, gives me strength. I lean down and kiss him lightly.

"Thank you, Atem."

He smiles and I lead him to my room.

I want the lights out, but Atem says no.

"I want to see you, Seto," he whispers, kissing down my bruised frame. I let him have his way, enjoying everything he does to me. His touches and kisses have me on fire.

"Seto," he whispers, pausing in his kisses up my right thigh, "will you let me?"

"Let you?"

He slides up my body and kisses me lightly.

"Let me have you," he moans, rubbing himself against me.

I wrap my arms around him and kiss him deeply.

"Yes, Atem."

Using a bottle of lotion he finds in my bathroom, he takes his time preparing me.

It hurts at first, but then he finds that spot and I'm soaring with the pleasure it brings.

"Seto," he moans into my neck as he starts to lose the rhythmic pace he'd set. I wrap my legs tighter around his waist and match his pace as best I can, knowing he'll be done soon, my own climax a recent memory.

He bites into my neck as he fills me.

We fall asleep a tangle of limbs.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I wake with a start to find Atem spooned behind me.

More afraid than I have been in years, I climb out of bed and check the doorknob. It's still locked and the chair is still wedged in place. Despite both assurances, I'm still terrified. Pressing myself against the door, I try to calm down, but I can't, even when I bang my head a few times.

Is it because something's going well for me? Is it because I was happy? I remember the last time I was happy just last week. But that was then. He's not here now!

Shit! Why can't I calm down?

I fall to my knees by the door trying to catch my breath. Instead, I find myself curled forward with my head on the floor and I'm shaking and clutching at the carpet.

He knows! I know he does! He's here in the house right now just waiting for me to come out. But I can beat him! I know I can! I'm taller than him now! Faster! I can hit harder! I know I can beat him!

"I know it," I affirm out loud to myself.

"Mmm, Seto?" Atem mumbles from the bed.

"I-I'm alright, Atem," I reply as loud as I'm able, which, considering my state and position isn't very loud.

Atem's to my side in an instant.

"Seto, what's wrong? Are you hurt?"

"I just can't calm down," I whisper.

He pauses and then says, "Focus on my voice, Seto. Don't think about anything else okay?"

"Okay."

He starts telling me about his life in Hokkaido. His friends and family there, high school, his brother…And I feel myself relaxing. I close my eyes and am almost asleep when he helps me back to the bed. I fall asleep in his arms.


	10. Chapter 10

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**She Said**

I told mom I'd be bringing Atem with me for spring break.

I just haven't told her about our relationship. Especially since I don't really know what it is. We have sex. A lot. But do I love him? Or am I just using him? Are we using each other?

Since I don't know, I don't say anything to her about it. But mom is more perceptive than I give her credit for.

We've been in Hokkaido one day, no a half a day. We haven't touched each other or looked at each other in a lingering manner or anything, yet, right after dinner, as we're walking mom home from the restaurant:

"Seto?"

"Yes, mom?"

"Why didn't you tell me?"

"Tell you what?"

"About your boyfriend?"

I stop and turn to her.

"How did you…?"

"I told you she'd figure it out," Atem interjects, taking the opportunity to slide his hand in mine. It makes me uncomfortable, so I pull away.

"Seto?" He frowns at me.

"Come on, mom. Let's get you home." I take her hand and start walking quickly, leaving Atem standing dumbfounded.

"Seto," she whispers admonishingly, "why did you do that?"

"Just leave it alone, mom."

"Seto, he's not following us."

I stop and turn to say something, not finding him anywhere in sight. Shit! I'll deal with him later. I've got to get my mom home.

"That was cruel of you, Seto," she admonishes as she opens her apartment door. "To just leave him on the street like that…! What got into you?"

"He's not my boyfriend, mom. We're just…We just have sex, that's all."

"Seto, for you to bring him here, that's not all."

"I just…I need him, mom. I've gotten used to being with him all the time, but I don't really feel anything for him. Other than you, I don't feel anything for anybody! Not even Valon! And he's my best friend!"

She puts her arms around me.

"Don't let him completely destroy you, Seto. You can still get away."

I hug her back and then pull away.

"Too late," I reply as I walk out the door.

Back on the street, I try Atem's cell, but he doesn't answer.

"I'm sorry," I leave as a message.

Once back at the hotel, I find that he's packed up his suitcase and taken it with him. Shit! I've really messed things up.

I try his cell again.

"Atem, I'm really sorry. Please come back," I leave as a message.

At about 3pm the next day he finally calls me back.

"Where the hell are you?" I yell. "I've been going out of my mind!"

"Why?"

"What? What do you mean why? Are you all right? Where are you?"

"Just with some friends."

"Tell me where you are and I'll meet you. Please Atem! I'm sorry."

"I think it's best if we end this."

"What? Where is this coming from? Because I had a moment of stupidity?"

"Because I mean nothing to you, Seto."

"That's not true."

"It is. Goodbye, Seto."

"Yoshi," I plead. "Please."

A long pause.

"Don't call me that anymore, Seto."

"Yoshi…" He hangs up, and doesn't answer his phone anymore the rest of my visit.

I do my best to be cheerful for mom, but…

I decide to leave a few days early, promising mom I'll call when I get home.

"Take care of yourself, Seto."

"I will mom. I love you."

"I love you too. Call me when you get back, okay?"

"Okay."

But when I get back, I'm so tired, that I decide to take a nap first and then call her. My cell phone ringing wakes me up. It's aunt Rei. She's hysterical. I can't understand her. Uncle Harry gets on the phone and he sounds awful.

"Seto…Seto you have to come back. Your mom…"

"What? What!"

"She…She's dead Seto."

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I make all of the arrangements because uncle Harry and aunt Rei are basket cases. I'm…numb. She was my only reason for living. What's the point, now? Valon and his mom are here, but I don't acknowledge them. What I told her was true. I didn't feel anything for anyone but her. And now that she's gone...

They don't know what happened really. She was found stabbed next to a park she'd walked by thousands of times. They took her money and jewelry, but didn't rape her. By the time some one found her, she'd lost too much blood.

No suspects. No motive. No leads.

I go through the motions for everyone, but I don't cry. I can't cry. I just need to get back to the mansion and my room. Under my covers. Alone. Always alone.

"Seto?" Valon approaches. "Is there anything I can do for you?"

"No."

"Where's Atem?"

"We broke up."

"I'm sorry, Seto."

"Don't be. He wasn't important."

He frowns at me.

"Seto, you talked about him all the time. He had to mean something."

"The sex was good," I mumble, looking away.

"Seto…"

"Let it go, Valon."

"I'm just worried about you, Seto."

"Don't be. I won't be around long enough for you to care. Not now that mom's gone."

"Don't say stuff like that, Seto."

"It's true."

"Seto…"

Just then, one of mom's cousins walks up and I have to go back to my role of grieving son.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Despite my protests, Valon insists on following me back home.

I go in the house long enough to change and then go to work, which is all I do for the rest of the week, skipping school completely. Valon follows me everyday. I guess he wants to make sure I don't jump off of a bridge or something.

I haven't decided if I'm going back to school or not. I only went for her.

And to see Atem.

Now I have neither of those reasons, so why bother with that either? I guess I should live, though. That way I can dismantle Kaiba Corp. once that bastard finally croaks.

Saturday evening finds Valon and me heading back to the mansion after dinner. He's finally succeeded in getting a decent conversation out of me about some country's financial markets. He enters the house first after I unlock the door and is greeted by Gozaboro's fist as he lay in wait for me. As Valon is sent sprawling in the front hallway, I feel all control leave me.

This time, I almost kill him. A servant pulls me from his heavily bleeding body and gets me to drop the bloody letter opener that I pulled from the table by the door. There are cops with the ambulance and I'm arrested. The next day, the charges magically disappear, at my fathers request. Not that I thank him.

Valon wasn't really hurt, just winded, thank the gods.

I guess my reaction to Gozaboro's attack on Valon proves that I do care about someone other than my mom.

So what about Yoshi?

I decide to go back to school Tuesday morning. Valon follows me there too.

Word that I tried to kill my own father travels fast and I'm given a very wide berth.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"Are you alright?"

I look up from my lunchtime reading of the Financial Times to see Yoshi's worried face.

What do I say to him? I can't say I'm all right, because I'm not. I can't say I'm not, because then both he and Valon would bug me about it incessantly. And I still need to apologize…

"Seto?" He frowns at me.

I drop my paper and step over to him, searching his face for the answer to my question, 'do I love him?'

Taking his face in my hands, I kiss him lightly once, and then shower his face with kisses, before sitting back down and pulling him into my lap. I don't care that we're in the cafeteria and that I've just outed both of us to the whole school, as long as Yoshi is with me.

"I love you," I whisper against his lips as he slides his arms around my neck.

I see Valon shaking his head out of the corner of my eye.

"You never cease to amaze me, Seto," he mumbles.


	11. Chapter 11

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

. 

**One Of Sixteen**

. 

I can't help but stare at him.

Can't help but drink in the beauty of Atem in slumber. Lying on his back, toned chest exposed, a half smile to his soft lips, tri-colored hair splayed across the pillow...everything about him draws me further in.

So peacefully he sleeps in my bed, oblivious to the danger of being found here. I close my eyes and remember each touch and caress from earlier. Now that I know I love him and that he loves me, it's not just sex anymore. I wish he could stay here forever.

But that's not possible. My father would never allow it.

At the thought of him, I take another panicked look at my locked and barricaded bedroom door. I'd tried to go to sleep with Atem, but as soon as I started drifting off, a panic overtook me. I'll just stay up the night. It wouldn't be the first time. Besides, sitting here gives me time to try and figure out how I'm going to get Atem out of here in the morning.

And how I'm going to tell him he can't stay overnight anymore. He's been here the entire weekend and I've barely gotten a few hours of sleep. I'm too afraid. I can't stop thinking Gozaboro is right on the other side of that door waiting for us to emerge. I can handle anything he does to me, but I can't allow him to hurt Atem.

"Mmm, Seto," he mumbles sleepily, eyes fluttering open to see me leaning against the headboard. "Cold..." he murmurs reaching out to me.

"Shhh," I soothe, sliding back under the covers and wrapping him in my arms. I assume he wants to go back to sleep until he nips my neck and slides his thigh between my legs.

"I can't get enough of you, koi," he moans, biting harder into my neck. I open myself up to him, arching my neck and spreading my legs as I fumble blindly for the lubricant on the bed table.

Impatient with my results, he climbs over me and finds it himself.

Feeling his slick fingers inside me makes me forget all fears of being caught and of any punishments my father could bring, like always. When he makes love to me, my world compresses to the space we occupy on my bed and I never want to return to the reality of my life.

I am Gozaboro's clone. I create weapons of mass destruction and part of me enjoys that. I also wield the power to personally destroy people's lives and some part of me revels in that too.

But in his arms, I'm just Seto, just Atem's koi.

Feeling him fill me once again, I moan with desire. I love having him inside me. It's the best thing in the world to have him hitting that bundle of nerves and bringing me closer to the edge.

"Gods, Seto," he moans, his pace increasing as he shoulders my legs, driving deeper into me.

I let my head fall back, clutching at his arms and panting loudly as I feel my end coming near.

"Y-Yoshi," I gasp as one of his hands encircles my shaft and pulls. Once. Twice. And I come all over his hand. His head descends to bite my shoulder as he releases one of my legs and fills me with his seed.

It's a wonder we don't leave bruises from how tightly we always clutch each other after we make love.

"I love you, Yoshi," I whisper into sweat-dampened tresses before slipping into dreamland.

Harsh shoves accompanied by a loud banging wake me.

"Seto!" Atem whispers loudly. "Wake up! He's here! I've got to get out of your room. Seto!"

My eyes snap open and I look fearfully at my Yoshi. His eyes reflect my own panic though his scream defiance. 'Let him find us!' they yell to me.

I would, but I can't take the chance that he'll be hurt.

We scramble from my bed, stuffing the soiled sheets into my hamper and hiding Atem's things behind the thick drapes at my window. Atem's just hidden inside my ample closet and I've just thrown on a robe when the splintering door announces my father's arrival.

I can't imagine Atem's feelings as he listens to the brawl that ensues. Normally, I fight him just because I can. This time I'm fighting to keep my love a secret, though that fact doesn't help my cause much. It isn't long before I lose, falling to my knees and clutching my broken arm yet again. Using every once of willpower I posses I avoid looking toward my closet. Though now at my father's mercy, I fear more for Atem's safety than my own.

Surprisingly, the bastard doesn't press his advantage. Instead, he offers me a choice, of sorts, and a warning.

"You'd better not bring that filth back into this house, Seto," he commands, panting from his efforts to beat me. I don't have to hear the 'or else' to know it's there. "And I'd better not hear of you with him again!"

He storms out of my room and I stay where I am, clutching at my arm as my body goes into shock. I remember the feeling from the 'year of the rib'. I don't have much time before I pass out.

"Y-Yoshi," I whisper. He kneels in front of me, eyes wide with a mixture of rage and fear, tears glistening.

"S-Seto…"

"C-call an ambulance, Yoshi. N-now," I manage.

I can feel the blackness creeping around the edges of my vision as he runs to the phone on my dresser. The floor rushes to meet me a few moments later.

I awaken to a bright white light reflecting off of a white ceiling and a tube in my throat. Lifting my healthy arm to shield my eyes, I'm startled by a voice beside me.

"Back to the land of the living, huh?"

Valon. After graduation, he'd gone back to Singapore. Atem must have called him. I try to sit up so I can scan the room for my koi. Bad idea. Pain shoots through my torso. Leaving me twitching and gasping, or attempting to gasp around the tube.

"Easy, Seto!" Valon admonishes. "Just stay still. I'll get the doctor."

He moves out of my field of vision as I try to ride out the waves of pain. I close my eyes and when I open them, a doctor is standing over me, a worried looking Valon at his side.

"Good, you're awake!" the doctor chirps as though all is right with the world and I'm not laying here half dead in a hospital because my father found out about my boyfriend.

He proceeds to tell me about things being 'touch and go' for a few days because my three broken ribs had punctured a lung and lacerated my liver and that I'd have to have my ribs bound for a few weeks. No strenuous activity. No lifting. No stretching. Then he tells me about my being unconscious for the better part of a week and that he's given me something for my pain.

"Now that you're up, I'll remove the breathing tube," he begins. I will hurt your throat a bit, but it will be for the best."

Once the tube is out, painful process that it was, and I've drank some water to soothe my scratched throat, I ask Valon the question that's been haunting me.

"Atem?" I rasp.

Valon pauses before answering.

"I don't know, Seto. I haven't seen him since I got here. He called me from your cell to let me know what happened and what hospital the ambulance was taking you to, but that's it."

"Where...?"

"Where are you?"

I nod.

"Domino Memorial. The Kaiba wing."

"My father...?"

"I don't know about him either. I've been your only visitor as far as I can tell." A Pause. "He really did a number on you this time, Seto. What happened?"

"Atem."

"He found out about Atem? How?"

"My fault..."

The doctor must have given me a sedative with the medication, because I can feel myself slipping away.

"Your fault? Why would you say that! You know your dad's a psycho!"

I shake my head to disagree that my father's psychosis wasn't the driving factor in this beating, it was my own selfishness and stupidity.

"Sleepy..." I mumble.

"You probably need more rest. I'll see what I can find out about Atem."

I nod to him and close my eyes.

Four days later, I go home, Valon at my heels, Atem no where in sight. He hasn't answered his cell phone and his family is covering for him. No one can be 'busy' all the times Valon and I have called. He's scared. And I don't blame him for that. I just needed him near me in some form. Just to hear his voice...

"Seto," Valon calls, interrupting my musing, "we're here."

The new limo driver opens the door and Valon helps me out. As I gingerly make my way in the front door, I find that my driver isn't the only thing Gozaboro has replaced.

The new house staff stands lined up for inspecting in the front hall. All of those I knew from childhood who may have actually cared some about me and me about them have been replaced by these cheerless zombies. I bypass them all and head to my room, Valon supporting me all the way.

In my room I find even more changes.

"What the fuck...?" Valon expounds eloquently.

My heavy, blue drapes are gone, replaced by fluffy cream monstrosities that match the cream, gold and maroon comforter and pillow covers on my bed. At my feet is a new, maroon carpet. My walls are adorned with maroon accented by a cream border and gold trim.

All colors I despise, as my father well knows. I guess this is his way of reminding me whose house this really is, just in case I got too used to living here on my own.

Slowly heading into my closet, I see evidence that all of my things have been gone through, shoe boxes opened, pants pockets pulled out, trench coats hung haphazardly… I don't bother to look for the box in which I kept all of my memories of Atem and I together, knowing it's long gone by now.

I sigh to myself sadly as I lean against the closet's doorframe.

I should have known this would happen. When have I ever been happy for long?

"Seto..." I look up at Valon, and nearly break down. He has been the only positive constant in my life other than my mom. What will I do once he's gone as well?

"I-I'm tired, Valon," I lie, forcing down tears of loss. He fixes up my bed for me and helps me into it. Closing my eyes, I force myself to ignore the pain in my ribs and heart and go to sleep.


	12. Chapter 12

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

. **Vestal Virgins **

I flop into my desk chair, mentally exhausted.

Since my father's trip to America to meet with potential clients two weeks ago, it seems everything that could go wrong has gone wrong.

The same three servers crashed twice each over a four day period last week, necessitating their being re-built from the ground up. As most of the staff in that area had no concept how to do it, the task fell to me. Out of a five day period, I probably slept a total of two. But it was worth it as the servers are now twice as efficient as before, though now I'm stuck with hiring new staff.

Friday night, while I was here buried with the server re-build, one of the maids pushed another down the front stairs, breaking her collar bone. They'd been at each other's throats almost since they first arrived, but I thought I'd quelled the problem when I reminded them that they could both find other jobs if they didn't want to follow my orders.

The injured one, a girl about 19, required surgery and an inserted pin. The doctors said she could never work as a domestic again. And since she was injured on Kaiba property, we have to pay for her medical bills and care until she is able to find gainful employment. Given how lazy she'd been working for my father, I doubt that day will ever come.

The one who pushed the girl I fired immediately. That's probably been the easiest thing I've had happen this last few weeks.

Tuesday morning the shower head in my bathroom fell off as I turned it on to set my water temperature, dousing me with scalding hot water. Luckily, I'd been able to move quickly since my ribs had healed or I'd have had second and third degree burns all over instead of just a scalding on my left hand.

Wednesday morning, the Board came to me threatening to quit because I bought out a gaming company, Schroeder Corp. in Germany. They didn't think it 'suited our image' as a weapons manufacturer to deal with 'children's things'. At first I informed them that Kaiba Corp.'s name wouldn't be on any of the products being sold, which 'didn't matter because our clients could still find out'. However, once I pointed out the profit to be made and the lining they'd get in their own pockets, they quieted down.

Yesterday went by without complication, but last night was another story. One of my more familiar nightmares woke me at around 2:45 in the morning; my father beating Atem and me unable to stop it. Though I haven't heard from my Yoshi in months, my feelings haven't changed. I miss him terribly. I would go to his house, but I'm sure my father is having me followed somehow and I can't risk his safety.

Sometimes I drive by the school, just to remember and maybe catch a glimpse of him, but I never do. I'm not even sure he went back to that school for his senior year, or even if his family still lives here.

Before he flew back to Singapore, Valon told me that he'd seen Atem at his house when he drove by one day, but that was over two months ago.

I can't thank Valon enough for all his support. He's done so much for me that I couldn't repay, most of it unasked. Like when he found out that my father apparently told the truth about what happened that night.

Or at least his version of it.

There were no mysterious muggers or phantom car crashes. Instead, we fought because 'I attacked him while out of my mind with grief and rage over losing the love of my life'. I suppose there was some truth in that. After all, it seems I have lost him.

After the nightmare woke me last night, I couldn't get back to sleep and stayed awake fighting off my panic and the overwhelming urge to go to Atem's house and make sure he was all right.

Today, I held a four hour emergency board meeting because some of our weapons were used in a siege in a small American town and the government wants to sue Kaiba Corp. for several 'wrongful deaths', among other things, since some of those killed were Federal Agents. The meeting amounted to three and a half hours of screaming and thirty minutes of progress.

The end of this week can't come fast enough. I definitely won't be here tomorrow.

I buzz my secretary for some aspirin and water and my schedule for the afternoon. She comes in a few moments later with the water and aspirin for my splitting headache and tells me I only have one more appointment for the day at 2:45pm, Mr. Umeta. Thank the gods.

Mr. Umeta, from Egypt, is interested in purchasing several thousand rocket-launchers as well as some of our more...specialized equipment. He'd been trying to get in to see me for weeks. Though I want to blow him off again, I figure it would probably be bad for business.

After two cups of strong coffee, I'm more that ready to conduct business.

Promptly at 2:45pm, my secretary escorts Mr. Umeta into my office.

"I understand you would like to purchase some of our weapons, Mr. Umeta," I begin, bowing politely and offering a chair in front of my desk. He bows and sits, never looking up, nor removing his hat and dark glasses. Great; I knew this day couldn't end well, not after the last two weeks. I sit behind my desk and take in the other's appearance, a slim figure in a well made black suit whose body language gives away nothing. This will be like pulling teeth. Well, I'd best get started. Business is business.

"So, you'd like to buy some weapons, Mr. Umeta," I try again.

"No," the figure responds calmly.

My mind starts working a mile a minute trying to figure out what's going on as the figure takes off the hat, revealing long, raven locks, then takes off the dark shades, placing them inside the hat.

"No, Mr. Kaiba, I don't want to buy any weapons."

It can't be...

Crimson eyes lift to mine.

"Yoshi," I whisper stunned.

He puts a finger to his lips, nodding toward the ever-present camera in the corner.

"But I would like to discuss your acquisition of Schroeder Corp.," he continues professionally.

Clamping down on the emotions threatening to overwhelm me, I cross my arms and lean back in my chair.

"What about it," I scowl.

"I have a proposal for its management and growth."

"Well, let's see it."

"I don't have it here. My partner, Mr. Katsuya, has put together a holographic presentation for your eyes only."

"How much do you want," I sneer, getting into my role as ruthless business man.

"One hundred percent of course."

"Don't be ridiculous," I scoff. "If what you have is worth my time, I might consider 10 percent."

"Eighty."

"You're insane."

"Alright, seventy."

"You've never negotiated anything before have you?"

"Sixty, then."

"How old are you? Do your parents know you're cutting class?"

"Thirty percent! And not one percent lower!" he yells standing, eyes fiery.

Why is he so upset? Was he negotiating for real?

"Twenty-five," I reply evenly, "and only if it's worth my time."

"It will be he whispers angrily," putting on his hat and glasses and heading quickly out of my office. I grab my trench for the day, one of the white ones, my laptop and briefcase and follow.

"I'm gone for the day, Minako," I call to my secretary as we head to the elevator. "And I'll be working from home tomorrow."

"Yes, Mr. Kaiba. Goodnight."

The ride in the elevator is punctuated by an angry silence and I'm at a loss. To have my Yoshi here with me, but angry at me is just too much. I turn away and slump against the wall farthest away, forcing my emotions under control.

I escort him to my limo and after he gives the driver our destination, I sit back to endure our ride to wherever, since I know the address he gave isn't his parent's house.

"It will take about 30 minutes to get there, Mr. Kaiba," he informs me.

"Hn."

"Mr. Kaiba," he pipes up after a few minutes, "would your driver be able to hear our conversation without the privacy partition?"

"Of course."

"I'm not comfortable discussing business when the walls have ears."

"Fine," I mumble, pressing the button to close the partition, resigned to whatever fate has in store for me with Atem.

As soon as it locks into place, he pounces on me.

"Gods, Seto! I've missed you so much!" he admits between kisses all over my face.

"Wh-what? I thought you were angry..."

"No! I just needed to be sure that anyone watching believed us."

"Atem," I whisper, cupping his face in my hands before kissing him passionately.

In moments, he's tossed away his hat and glasses and pinned me onto the narrow seat, his hips grinding into mine. As much as I want him, I know it can't happen here. If I still had my old driver, I'd have him ride around for a few hours, but the man operating this limo is in Gozaboro's employ, not mine.

I push him up and pull away from his insistent tongue kisses.

"No, Atem," I whisper. "Not here."

He regains control with some effort and sits up, straightening his suit and gathering his hat and glasses.

I stare at him, truly taken aback buy the lengths he went to just to see me.

"Will that wash out," I question quietly, indicating his hair.

"Not for a while."

"I can't believe you did that for me, Yoshi."

"I love you. I'd do anything for you."

I turn away, inexplicably guilty.

"We can't...This can't happen again, Yoshi. I'll drop you off wherever we're going and go home. I can't take the chance..." I trail off, unable to voice my fears. A sudden panic grips me. What if the limo's bugged?

"Seto..."

"No! I can't let anything happen to you, Yoshi!"

"Seto! Listen to me! I have a plan..."

"No! I have to keep you safe, Yoshi!"

He takes my hands and begins kissing lightly from wrist to finger tips, a gesture that has calmed me in the past and works perfectly now.

"Yoshi..."

"Shhh, Seto. Just trust me. It'll all work out."

I close my eyes and nod lightly, praying to whatever god who will listen that he's right.


	13. Chapter 13

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**Leaving For The Coast**

I wonder that he never tires of seeing my scarred form.

I know he enjoys taking me from behind, but I don't know how he can stand to see them, the burns. Part of Gozaboro's legacy left on my skin. I forget about them until he's behind me. Even the exquisite feel of him inside me can't quell the raging torrent of emotions from knowing he's seeing them.

"Seto," he pants, firmly gripping my waist and thrusting erratically. He'll be done soon, having teased and tortured himself for many minutes after bringing me to climax. I love feeling him lose control like this. Love knowing I can drive him into such a frenzy. But despite that, I can't help my mind wandering to wonder what does he see in me when I know he's looking at those scars.

At his cry of completion, my mind returns to the juncture between us, reveling in his eruption into me. He pulls out with a shudder and we fall over on our sides, his arms holding me possessively, and his face right between the rows of cigar burns.

"I love you," he mumbles between them. It's too much. I pull away.

"Koi?" he calls, obvious distress in his voice.

"Shower," I mumble, heading into the bathroom.

I stand beneath the water and let the sobs wrack my body. What is he doing? Doesn't he know how much danger he's in? I can't…I can't do this. As much as I want to, I know I can't be happy with Atem. I'll tell him that I'm going back tomorrow.

This was his big plan, to run, to just leave Gozaboro and all of his crap behind and start a new life together. And I missed and love him so much that I wanted to believe we could do it. But we can't. I can't escape my father even if I wanted to.

After the limo dropped us off that day at some non-descript small office in the suburbs, he laid out his plan.

_Where we'd live:_

His parents had purchased a home for him under a false name on the other side of Japan.

_The getaway:_

Of course, he'd created a false identity for me as well. I would die my hair black, put in the green contacts he'd already gotten for me and take a train to a point 200 miles away from our final destination. Katsuya's girlfriend's niece would pick me up and drive me to a point 100 miles closer where Atem would meet me for another train ride. To add to the scheme, I told him about the money I'd been squirreling away for the last five years, which we could live off of for a while.

It was all very elaborate and well thought out and, in the end, worked like a charm. I drove to work one day, stopped at a random gas station and never looked back. We had a month of bliss before reality set in for me. I knew the longer I stayed away, the angrier my father would be and I didn't know what he would do once he found us.

And he _would_ find us.

Atem had no concept of the man I knew. Gozaboro would stop everything just to find and punish me for such insolence and disobedience.

But maybe if I went back now, I could lessen the severity. I could say that I just needed to get away for a while. Escape. He's always thought he could break my will, maybe I could show just enough throat to make him think he'd succeeded enough to force me to run.

I could force him to lock me away for a while and them maybe he'd believe me.

I'll do whatever is necessary to keep Atem out of harm's way.

"Seto," he calls through the bathroom door, "please let me in."

I'd locked the door so I could grieve for this loss in peace. Maybe he won't be able to tell how much I hurt since the shower has washed away any evidence of my tears. I can hide anything else inside.

Turning off the water, I climb from the tub and open the door. Crimson bores into me as I dry off.

"I'm sorry, Yoshi," I mumble into the towel as I dry my face and hair.

A long pause.

"I'm going back with you, Seto," he announces.

"No, Yoshi," I reply, soberly, not at all surprised that he already knew my plans. Atem's uncanny ability to seemingly know my every though and feeling stopped amazing me sometime ago.

"And when we go back," he continues as though I hadn't spoken, "you're moving in with me. Your home is no longer the Kaiba Mansion."

"Yoshi…"

"It's settled. I'll shower and we'll start packing." He shoves me and my damp towel into our bedroom and closes the bathroom door.

As easy as he can read me, I have no ability in that area with him. To risk his safety for me is foolish. How can I make him understand that?

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

After several very heated arguments and my finally leaving him in the middle of the night, we still wind up back here in Domino living together in a large apartment outside of the city.

I couldn't sway him from his decision to be with me 'no matter what'.

My first day back at work after a 64-day absence went pretty smoothly. As did my second. And my third. By the 10th day of silence from my father, I'd stopped eating properly. By the 14th, I'd stopped sleeping. By the 20th, I wouldn't let Atem near me.

Gozaboro had to know what his indifference would do to me. He knows I don't believe for a moment that he's happy with all that's happened, or even accepting. I know he's planning a retaliation of some sort. I just wish he'd get it over with.

What's the saying? Be careful what you wish for?

I wouldn't let Yoshi leave the house unless it was with me, or one of the bodyguards I trusted implicitly from years of personal service. Ever.

So when his brother calls me in a panic saying he hasn't shown up for their lunch date, I leave work immediately, calling his bodyguard for the day as I speed home.

I nearly crash my car when my father's voice answers.

"I told you to stay away from him, Seto," he sneers and then hangs up.

I pull over and jump from my car, getting sick all over someone's manicured front lawn.

The next four days are agony as I sit in our apartment waiting to get the call that his body has been discovered. Instead, I get something almost as bad.

Late the forth night, I've collapsed from exhaustion on the couch in our living room, when a loud thump awakens me, followed by a painful moan. Throwing open our apartment door, I find my Yoshi. He's a beaten, bloody mess, but he's alive.

I remember calling the ambulance. I remember my relief at the hospital upon hearing he hadn't been…violated. And then nothing until Valon wakes me days later.

"This is getting to be a habit that I'm not fond of repeating," he grimaces as I sit up from my bed, IV in my arm. I guess the weeks of abuse to my body and those four days I stayed up finally caught up with me.

"Yoshi?" I mumble groggily.

Valon's silence frightens me.

"Is-is he…" I can't bring myself to say it.

"No," he assures, "but I don't think you'll ever see him again. His family came and picked up his things the day before yesterday."

Of course. Why would they leave him here with me where he'd be in danger of being beaten again?

I told him to stay away from me! I told him! Why wouldn't he listen? And now…

I hang my head in shame, knowing the pain I've caused him and his family. But it's all over now. He can't be foolish enough to come back to me again. I just hope he realizes that because I can't make him stay away. I have no will power when it comes to him. Anything he asks, I have to do.

"Please don't come back, Yoshi," I whisper as a prayer.

"What did you say?" Valon inquires.

Valon. How'd he get here? I'm sure I didn't call him. And Yoshi's in no shape to. So who…?

"Why are you here, Valon?" I question, looking up at him.

"You wouldn't believe me if I told you."

"Try me."

"Your father called me."

"WHAT!"

"A little over two weeks ago. He didn't say anything was wrong, just wanted to know if I'd heard from you. Of course I said no, then planned to head back here as soon as possible. Unfortunately, the earliest I could get away from work was Monday. When I got here to the apartment, you were passed out in the floor. It's a good thing you sent me that key. Who knows how long you'd have lain there.

"I called one of your personal doctors listed in your cell and he came over and checked you out, setting up the IV and arranging for a nurse to stay around the clock. She's around here somewhere."

"Have you seen Yoshi," I ask as I attempt to digest all he's told me. Why did my father call him? What else is going on?

"Not yet, though I've gotten the impression that I'm not any more welcome than you are. And I know they moved him from Domino Memorial."

"Idiots. That's the best hospital in the area. Whatever they feel about me, they should care more about their son's recovery. Do you know where he is now?"

"Kyoto General."

"They took him that far away?"

"Actually, they moved there."

I narrow my eyes at him.

"How the hell do you know all this?"

"A sympathetic ear. Two of them actually."

"What are you talking about?"

"Katsuya's girlfriend and her niece. The niece left me her cell phone number. I called her yesterday and spoke to her and Katsuya's girlfriend. Did you know she and Katsuya live with his parents and that she's having a baby?"

"No. Katsuya must be very happy."

I don't want to talk about this anymore. I don't want to hear about Atem's family or anything more about my lost love.

"I'm tired, Valon," I mumble. "Maybe we could talk later."

"You know, that lie didn't work the first time you told it, but I'll let you slide. You've had a rough week."

A rough month.

"Fine," I mumble, turning away from him and folding myself in the covers, careful not to pull out the IV. I'll sleep some more. Rest. Get my strength back. I'll need it to function without Yoshi.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

I don't know why anything my Yoshi does surprises me anymore.

The four-day business trip had taken a lot out of me so when I walked into my apartment at 6:30 in the morning after getting off of the red-eye from Nagasaki, all I wanted to do was take a shower and go to bed. I dropped my coat, laptop and briefcase on the living room floor, shedding the rest of my clothes on my way into the bathroom.

The hot water beating on my head, neck and shoulders felt heavenly. I dried off and stumbled nude into my bed.

Something touching me startled me from my heavy slumber and I cried out as I awoke.

"Shhh, it's just me," he purred into my ear.

I snatched away and fell out of the bed. He laughed as though nothing was wrong. As though he hadn't been beaten severely for being with me. As though we hadn't been apart for the last two months.

"Yoshi…"

"I'm not leaving and we're not going to talk about it," he declared sternly. "Now come back to bed."

He flipped back the covers and opened his arms.

I crawled into them willingly.


	14. Chapter 14

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**My Eyes Were Open**

_The nightmare began with a knock on our door._

_Only I wasn't asleep._

_For the first time in almost six months I had a Saturday off. We decided to have a light lunch and head out for a walk in the mild, early fall air. Atem had already made our salad and I was grilling the fish when someone knocks._

"Yoshi, can you get that," I call to him. He'd gone to the bedroom to grab a sweater for our walk later.

Atem opens the door with a polite, "Yes, may I help you?"

"Are you Atem Yoshida?" I hear an official sounding voice ask. Moving the fish off the grill, I step up behind him.

"Why?" I scowl.

"This doesn't concern you sir. Please step back," the first of the three men states. That makes me step in front of Atem instead.

"Who are you? And what do you want with him?" I glare.

They flip badges at me. The first man is local law enforcement. The other two are from Hokkaido. What the hell…?

"This is official police business, sir. Please step away or we will have to arrest you for obstruction."

"It's okay, Seto," Yoshi inserts, touching my back lightly and slipping on his shoes.

"It's not okay," I frown.

"I'm sure it's a mistake. Besides, you have enough money to bail me out and own enough high-powered lawyers to get me off, so don't worry so much."

I turn to him and we lock eyes momentarily.

"Fine," I mumble, allowing him to step forward. The instant he does, the local guy pulls out a pair of cuffs.

"Atem Yoshida, you're under arrest for the murder of Meiko Kaiba," he begins pulling his arms behind his back and clamping the cuffs on his wrists.

"WHAT?" I scream at him, pulling Atem from his grasp. "What the fuck are you talking about! He had nothing to do with that!"

The other two grab me and Yoshi looks at me fearfully as the officer continues to read him his rights.

"S-Seto," he stutters, trying to look at me again, as he's lead away.

"Where are you taking him?" I snarl to the two holding me.

"Fifth District tonight," the younger responds as they let me go, "an then to Third District in Hakodate and then to court for arraignment the next morning."

"It's been over a year. Why are you here now?"

"We have a witness."

"They're lying."

"That's not our call."

They head to the elevator.

I close the apartment door behind me and force myself calm. A witness, my ass. There's no way any witness says he saw Yoshi there. Centering my thoughts, I put on my shoes, grab my black trench, my cell and my laptop and head out. I'll call the lawyer on the way to the precinct.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

"How the hell can they not give him bail!" I yell at the lawyer as we sit in a nearby coffee house. "He's never even had a jaywalking ticket!"

"I'm sorry, Mr. Kaiba," that incompetent ass apologizes. "The judge ruled no bail."

"Shit! Get the hell away from me! You're fired!"

"Yes, Mr. Kaiba," he bows, wisely walking quickly away.

This is unbelievable! How could they even think Yoshi had anything to do with mom's death? Whoever that witness is made a huge mistake.

I smirk to myself and head back into the courthouse. No bail, huh? We'll just see about that.

Three hours, hundreds of thousands of yen and some well-placed threats later Yoshi follows me back to the hotel I'm staying in for the duration. Whether it's for the clearing up of this crap, or a trial, I don't care. I will be here until it's done.

And my father can go fuck himself.

I can't believe that bastard actually called to see why I wasn't at work this morning! If I find out he had anything to do with this…

My rage dissipates instantly when I see my Yoshi curled up on the couch. He's terrified!

"Yoshi," I whisper, pulling him into my arms. I feel him relax instantly, though he's still very tense.

"You know I had nothing to with your mom's death, don't you?" he pleads.

"Of course you didn't!"

He sighs against me, wrapping his arms around my back.

"I'm scared, Seto."

"Don't be. This is all a mistake. The witness is lying or just wrong. We'll be back home in no time."

"I love you."

"I love you, too."

We spend most of that evening on the couch.

The next few days, I work on finding Atem another lawyer, getting a local man recommended by Uncle Harry, Mr. Sasaki. Atem is very comfortable with him, which makes me comfortable with him. He assures us that heshould be able to get thecharges dismissed based on the witnesses statement alone.

"She says she saw Atem clearly," he begins as we discuss things over dinner in the hotel room, "but says she was standing on the other side of the park, at night, with no lights over the space where your mother stood! I'm surprised the prosecutor even took this case with such "evidence".

"Once I get her statement thrown out, that will kill their entire case. You have nothing to worry about."

"What's the witnesses' name," I query. Something about this whole thing is still striking me wrong.

Sasaki flips through various papers.

"Her name is Narita."

I narrow my eyes.

"Mariko Narita?"

"Yes. How do you know that?"

I stand, attempting to quash my anger as I walk to the window overlooking the city.

"Seto…" Yoshi ventures as he steps behind me and touches my back lightly.

"That bastard," I grind out, clenching my fists, trying to get myself under control enough to explain to them what's going on.

"Mr. Kaiba, do you know this witness?"

"Yes," I respond quietly. "She's my father's girlfriend."

Yoshi gasps behind me, obviously understanding the implications.

"Well. That puts a new spin on things," Sasaki intones. "Either this can be taken as a vicious attempt to hurt you or a quite sincere statement because your father wouldn't want to hurt you."

"Trust me," I scoff, "He'd definitely want to hurt me."

"But we can't prove that," he retorts.

"No," I mumble, pulling my lightly trembling Yoshi from behind me and into my arms.

A few moments later, Sasaki excuses himself, promising to get back to us in the morning after he's "checked into this a little more".

I nod to him, not moving from the window and holding my Yoshi even tighter.

That night's lovemaking is frenzied and desperate, Yoshi breaking into tears at its end. I hold and soothe him as best as I can.

The news from Sasaki the next day is far from what we expected.

Not only won't the prosecutor drop the case in light of the witnesses' questionable statement, but also the new judge on the case wants Yoshi back in custody by the end of the week. The judge I paid off had a stroke and had to recuse himself from all of his open cases.

Atem nearly loses it when Sasaki tells us everything.

"So what does this mean," he whispers, eyes lowered as I clutch at his hand.

"Unfortunately, it means we're going to trial and that you'll have to stay in jail until your court date. You've got three days of freedom left. The judge wanted you back today, but I negotiated you turning yourself in on Saturday by 4pm instead."

"Saturday," he repeats sadly. I can't speak. Too numb with shock and denial.

"Mr. Kaiba, do you have any questions?"

I look up from our clutched hands momentarily then close my eyes as I shake my head.

"I'll be back again tomorrow and we can start working on a trial strategy then," he affirms, standing quickly and letting himself out.

"I'm sorry, Yoshi," I murmur several minutes later.

"It's not your fault."

"Then whose fault is it?"

"I won't allow you to take the blame for this, Seto."

I pull my hand away and stand.

"It's _my father_ who's doing this to you, Yoshi! How can I blame anyone else!" I yell.

"Then blame your father!" he yells back, for once, his fury nearly matching mine. "If there's anyone to blame, it would be him! Blame that sick bastard and his insane need to hurt and torture you simply because you exist! I hate him, Seto. I hate him!"

My fury abates. I've never seen him like this before. It disturbs me greatly to see him so upset.

"Yoshi…" I reach for him and he throws himself into my arms.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Thursday night. Just two more days before he'll be away from me for who knows how long. I hold him close to me, nuzzling my face in his hair. He's slept fitfully the last two nights. I've barely slept at all.

"Mmm, Seto," he mumbles snuggling further into my arms.

"Sorry, Yoshi. I didn't mean to wake you."

He surprises me with a nip at my nipple.

"You know I can't get enough of you, koi," I feel him grin against my chest as his fingers wrap around my shaft.

I chuckle into his hair, and then tilt his face to mine for a light kiss.

In moments we're both fully aroused and groping and kissing with wild abandon. I roll underneath him and locate the lube in the drawer of the nightstand. I hand it to Yoshi, spreading my legs for him like I normally do. But his fingers don't come.

"Yoshi?"

"I-I want you inside me, Seto," he whispers into my neck.

"You…But why?"

"Please, koi. I need you inside me. I need to be claimed by you."

I'm nervous. We've never…I don't want to hurt him.

"I don't want to hurt you, Yoshi."

"You won't. Please, Seto. I want you. I need you."

I roll him onto his back, sliding down between his legs before taking the lube and coating my fingers. It's not that I haven't thought about this, I just enjoy having him inside me so much, I never wanted to give that up.

I nip at the inside of one thigh, one of his most sensitive points, as I tease his entrance. He moans at my touch. I easily slide one finger in, distracting him from the action by taking his hardness into my mouth.

Within a few minutes, he's writhing and bucking beneath me as I pump three fingers in and out of him, keeping him on the edge with my mouth and tongue on his arousal.

"Ready, Yoshi," I finally pant when I think he's had enough.

A nod from his quivering form is all I receive.

Coating my length, I slide in slowly, watching my Yoshi's face for any sign of discomfort. All I see is his head thrown back, lips parted in ecstasy.

"Seto," he moans, once I'm fully inside.

It's so tight inside him. And it feels so good!

I don't remember when I start moving or even how we got to our current pace. I just remember feeling his legs wrapped around, biting into his shoulder and slamming into him mercilessly along withthe creaking of the bed and his moans and pleadings for me not to stop.

"Gods, Yoshi!" I cry out, feeling myself getting closer. I've started just moving in a circle, further smearing his cum between us. After a hard thrust a few moments ago, he released, crying out my name.

Resuming my thrusting, I fill him within moments, panting his name over and over into his shoulder before collapsing beside him.

"Wow," is all I can manage a few minutes later.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

Saturday. Our last few hours together for a while.

Yoshi is calm, collected.

I'm ready to kill everyone in sight.

My father called again last night, demanding that I come back to work Monday. I told him to go fuck himself and that I'd be back when I felt like it. But it still made me so furious I couldn't see straight. Even after Yoshi successfully calmed me down with a round of incredible lovemaking, I'm still angry.

Thursday night proved to be my first and last time as seme for the near future. I need the submission to Yoshi to keep me sane right now.

"I love you," I whisper against his lips, kissing him one last time before they lead him away.

He smiles that incredible smile of his at me.

"I'll see you soon, koi," he calls.


	15. Chapter 15

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**Pale **

Sometimes it's good to have money and clout. I'm sure they'd never have let me see him otherwise.

I run my fingers across his cold, pale face.

My Yoshi.

I couldn't save you. Again I failed you. Like I have all this time. I failed to share my mom with you. I failed to show the world how much I loved you. I failed to prove to your family how much you meant to me. I failed to keep you safe from my father. Not once, but twice. Though this time cost more than the last.

Bruises. Some blood. Discomfort. But you still had your life then, Yoshi.

A brawl in the courtyard. He'd only been here a week. That's all. He wasn't even involved in the fight. But some inmate took exception when he wouldn't choose a side and stabbed him in the back.

I run my warm fingers over your cold ones, noting the tan line.

"I'll want his ring back," I instruct the prison doctor behind me.

"Yes, Mr. Kaiba. I'll get it right now."

I finger my matching band in remembrance. At the time, I hated the idea, since it wasn't like we were married or could ever be married. But you said they were symbols. Just for us. Something to remind us of our eternal bond. Our love.

My Yoshi.

I'll avenge you. I promise. And I won't do it quietly, or behind the scenes. I'll make sure he pays publicly, Yoshi.

"Here you are, Mr. Kaiba," the doctor offers, giving me a small bag with your ring in it. I dump it into my hand and slide it onto my left pinky.

I'll wear it from now on, Yoshi.

"Thank you," I reply, giving him the bag back.

"We're very sorry for your loss, Mr. Kaiba," he lies.

"Leave us."

"Yes, Mr. Kaiba."

My Yoshi.

I'll never touch you again. Never taste you again. Never make love to you again. I'll miss you so, so much.

"Good-bye, Yoshi."

It breaks my heart to touch my lips to your cold forehead.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

As expected, his family didn't invite me to the private service. They blame me. Rightfully so.

I look up from the final paperwork on my plan to see him here again, my best friend.

Valon won't go away and he won't shut up, always asking if I'm all right.

"No, Valon. I'm not," I answer truthfully for the hundredth time.

"Seto, I'm just worried about you."

"You should be."

"See, when you say stuff like that, it scares me."

"It should, because I mean it."

"Seto…"

"Get out, Valon. You can't help me now. And I have work to do."

He doesn't move. My barely held rage breaks the surface. I stand slowly and level my fury.

"NOW! GET OUT!"

He actually looks scared as he stands and almost backs out of my office.

I don't want to hurt him, but he's distracting me from my goal, the complete destruction of Gozaboro Kaiba. I'm too close to lose focus now. Just a few more days and it will all be ready.

It's taken me several months, Yoshi, but you will be avenged.

xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

The look on his face…

He didn't think I'd do it. Not right there in front of everyone. Not with his bodyguards nearby. Not with police in the area. Not in front of the news cameras. Not during the big unveiling of 'his' masterpiece that he stole from me, Kaibaland. He thought I wouldn't want to taint it's unveiling. Thought I'd care if its reputation got soiled.

But I fooled him.

Why would I care if anything under the name 'Kaiba' thrived? Everything named 'Kaiba' should die. Especially him. And me.

But I can't die, because I have to live to remember my Yoshi.

At first I took the rings off, Yoshi, because I didn't want them to get messed up. But then I thought it appropriate that they be stained with our destroyer's blood.

And they're very stained. Yoshi.

Very stained.

Ha! I carved him like a roast! I'll bet he was sorry he ever gave me that set of three ceremonial blades. He probably thought they'd be too dull to do anything with, but they weren't. At least not after I sharpened them a little. I didn't want them too sharp, because a dull blade causes more pain. And I wanted him to hurt.

I remember how much pain that letter opener caused him. I should have killed him then. And I would have, but others stopped me.

Not this time. I couldn't allowanyone to stop me this time. I had to avenge my Yoshi.

I'm sorry for those others, but they would have been fine had they left me alone. After the bodyguards, and that lying bitch, I only wanted him. Not any policemen. Not any bystanders. But they tried to stop me. And I needed to kill him. I needed to carve him. He needed to feel my wrath for what he took from us, Yoshi.

For all the pain he caused.

So I carved them too.

But only his blood stained our rings, Yoshi. Only his.


	16. Chapter 16

Disclaimer: Just own the words, not the folks.

**And So**

I sign in, and follow the nurse.

"Today's a pretty good day for him," she notes as we walk down the familiar corridor.

I haven't been to see him in a long time. I hope he's not mad.

Actually, I hope he is. At least it would be something other than that blank stare, the insane laughter or the broken sobs. Usually I get the blank stare, though there have been a few snatches of the laughter. I've only heard the sobs once, but that was enough.

I sit down in the chair across from his still form on the floor near his bed, leaning on the wall and gazing into space.

His pale, slim form still looks alien to me in those white scrubs, even though I've been coming here for over six years. They keep his hair pretty short because once it touches his ears or the back of his neck he begins screaming Atem's pet name, Yoshi, and tearing it out.

To see him now, it's hard to believe this is the same Seto Kaiba who killed five cops, three random people, his father's three bodyguards, his father's girlfriend and his father on live TV. His face littered the world news for weeks, as did some of the footage not too graphic for the average person. The raw stuff can still be found easily on the Internet.

Unfortunately for me, I was one of the millions who caught it live. He'd called me. Told me to be sure to watch. I thought he wanted me to witness the unveiling of his personal triumph, Kaibaland. He'd thought of doing something like that after Mokuba died. But instead, I saw him step from beside his father, close his eyes and whisper something and then pull out two blades from inside his always-immaculate white trench coat. The girlfriend went first via a clean cut that nearly decapitated her. He'd quickly done away with two of the bodyguards and one bystander when the first cop arrived on the stage.

His father tried to run, but Seto hamstringed him before killing the first cop and the last bodyguard. Then it became an even bigger bloody mess on the stage.

God, what he did to his father…

After killing those others, he carved into his father almost slowly, prolonging his agony, grinning like a madman.

And that laughter…

Honestly, between the two, I think I'd rather hear the sobs.

No shrink in the world would have declared him fit for trial even before he became this statue before me.

"Hey dude," I begin, wanting to project warmth and friendship, "How's it hangin'?

As usual, he doesn't reply or even look my way, but I'm not discouraged. I know he can hear me on some level.

"I'm sorry for not visiting in a while, but the wife wanted me to take care of some of the things on the 'honey do' list that had been festering for a while.

"Okay, really, work was kickin' my ass. I couldn't get the necessary time off to fly here and see you. It's not like flying from Singapore. It's a long, long way here from Washington, DC.

"I know what you're thinkin'. I don't even have to work anymore now that you set me for life. You know Schroeder Corp. stock rose another three points yesterday," I ramble. "Looks like I'm gonna be rich for a while longer."

I still can't believe he left such a lucrative company to Atem's brother Katsuya and me. It's also amazing to me that Kats even deigns to speak to me, considering I'm Seto's closest friend and his family blames Seto for Atem's murder.

I'm sure Kats also appreciates that $10 million dollar trust fund for his kids.

Speaking of money Seto's given away, I need to call his aunt and uncle while I'm here. I forgot they wanted me to come and see the new battered women's shelter they built with funds from the Meiko and Mokuba Foundation. I'll have to tell them I can't make it this time. As it is, I'll barely get a chance to visit Kats, Nina and Yami. I can't believe that kid isalmost seven years old already! Man, time flies.

"Do you remember I told you about mom's boyfriend, Mitch?" I continue. "Well, he graduated to fiancée last week. Mom's on top of the world. They haven't set a date yet, but I'm sure it'll be within the year.

"So Rena's makin' noises about wanting to have a baby, but I'm not sure. I don't think I'd be a bad dad, but I just don't know if I want to be a dad right now. She keeps going on about her biological clock ticking and I'm like 'Baby, you're only 24. It can't be tickin' that loudly.' She doesn't think it's funny."

I ramble on for another twenty minutes or so until a quick check of my watch reminds me I'll need to go soon if I'm going to catch Kats and family before I go home.

"Man, look at the time. I gotta go soon. I don't know when I'll be back again, Seto. Life as a civil servant can be grueling, you know. Ah, don't listen to me. Doing public defender work has its benefits too, though I hate when I get stuck with those absolute dirt bags. Still, all it takes is one truly innocent person to thank me sincerely and profusely and I'm ready to take on the world again.

"And actually, I get a surprising number of them."

I'm about to go on when he turns to me and I see a flicker of recognition in his face and eyes. He offers me one of those pure smiles I remember he'd give me every once in a blue moon before the glaze settles back over his eyes and he turns back to his own world.

"God, I miss you, Seto."

I get up and leave before I start bawling like a baby.

-Fin-

**A/N:** This story came to me, almost in its entirety, one day while hearing 'A Whiter Shade of Pale' by Procol Harum as I ate dinner at a restaurant. The chapter titles are all from the lyrics of the song.


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